Orchid, I was about to reply to you on my thread, but I see you started one of your own.
Not only is the MLCer in a state of confusion, but they are in a state of depression. They suffer from a low self-esteem and usually feel inadequate. Many of them wear a "mask" to cover up their depression. I am sure this is what your H is doing. They will tend to fool the LBS and make us believe that they are truly happy now, but trust me they aren't.
The seeds to our H MLC are generally planted in childhood. Many of them have unresolved issues from the past. Unfortunately you cannot help your H get thru his MLC in anyway. You didn't break him so therefore you cannot fix him. You can however prolong his MLC if you are not careful. You need to give him enough freedom to choke on. You need to have plenty of patience, this is a virtue. MLC takes 2-5 years to be completed so in the meantime you need to just focus on yourself and GAL (get a life). You are also going to have to detach from your H, you can't let him pull you down into his dark pit with him. I am not saying you need to give up on your M, but in the meantime your H is being an "alien" and is not the H you married. Think of it as your H is on an extend vacation.
Please read up as much as you can on MLC. There is a wealth of information on the MLC forum. Just go to the resources thread. You may also want to read up on a couple of books. One that has helped me get a better understanding is Men in Midlife Crisis. I think the author is Jim Conway. I don't believe it is in fresh print anymore, but you can find used copies on Amazon. You can even google it.
I am sorry to find you here. MLC is a rollercoaster from h^ll, so hold on tight. It's one heck of a long, bumpy ride!
