C_L, I am realizing more and more that we can control our feelings. Someone on here had a signature line that said something to the effect of, "your belief is your reality". That is so true. What I choose to believe is now my reality. Some might say, well that is just being delusional or in denial. Okay. Yet I don't believe that I am, so my reality is that I refuse to give up the fight. I recognize this for what it is, a challenge to save my R. A challenge I will rise to everyday for the rest of my life. Never again will I take my R and my children for granted. There is too much pain associated with losing them and too much pleasure gained being around them, particularly when I am the man I am supposed to be, ie; patient, kind, positive, strong and generally loving.
I never will take this for granted again. I think about how foolish I was, to think that there is some area in life that is free from the laws that everything else in nature are subject to, temporary insanity is what that is. If I don't exercise, I lose my muscle. If I don't read, write and challenge my mind, I lose my intellect. If I don't pray my spirit suffers and spiritual growth stops. Without concious effort put towards improvement, anything will stagnate and eventually atrophy.
Why in the world did I think that my relationships with my W and children could possibly be immune to this same condition? That my R's would just simply prosper by their own volition, without any thought or effort on my part was insane. I've learned my lesson. I strongly believe I haven't learned this too late to save my M.
I am being what I'm supposed to be, praying that God will honor this daily by softening her heart towards me and that will be enough.
