I forgot something in this update. I called to check on my D9, she had her first basketball practice tonight. W answered and put D9 on, afterwards W got on for a bit. Earlier while we were at Home Depot she mentioned going to a movie, wavered a bit, then we decided to go home, cook some popcorn and finish watching Lucky Number Slevin, we started it weeks ago and never got back to it.
The moment of truth here happened when we were driving from HD, she suggested just going home, I said, OK. She asked what does that mean? I laughed and told her that OK pretty much means OK in every language. She then said, well in the past you would get mad and take it as me not wanting to do something with you just because I want to go home. I recognized the test and the bait, (unintentional but still a bait), to go into a R type talk. I simply said, you're right about the past, but now I am saying OK because I think that you are still doing something with me, we do need to save the money for the things we just looked at and I want to finish that movie.
I left it at that. She stopped, we went home, watched the movie and had a good time. Thank God I'm finally starting to recognize some of the landmines. In the past, I would have obsessed with letting her know how much I have changed, that I didn't mean anything like I did in the past, and that I'm not doing that stuff. Which would have led into another conversation about how much she just can't believe that I've changed and on and on. All negative and harmful.
Fast forward to tonight. Her friend, the one I originally posted about, is over visiting with her kids. Typically in the past this would have bothered me, not now. I decided to believe my W, and trust her when she says there is nothing there and she doesn't want anything to happen there. I reminded myself that W has told me a hundred times that given everything in her life, ie; religious upbringing, current involvement in church, family, etc., that the same sex attraction she sometimes struggles with understanding just can't happen and has no place in her life. Soooo, I reminded myself of that, and how much I am now totally trusting God to handle the R, I told her that I was going to let her get off the phone and get back to hanging out with her friend.
She kept trying to keep me on the phone. She said, no its okay, we're just hanging out, I can talk. I told her not to worry about it and don't be rude, (joking of course), to hang up and enjoy her time hanging out.
Long pause, I mean a really long pause..., so I did the typical cell phone moment of, are you there? She said yes, so I said, Hey have a great night and I will talk to you when I get home. Another long pause and then she said, thank you, I will, thank you so much.
I could tell the 180 totally caught her off guard, it was almost as if she was holding her breath when my D9 handed the phone to her, knowing I knew that her friend, the source of quite a few arguments, was there. When I didn't even broach the topic, and then told her to go have fun, didn't keep her on the phone and left it alone, it seemed like she finally let that breath go that she was holding.
