I wasn't untrustworthy so to speak. I didn't trust her and accused her of cheating..., a lot. So in that context, she trusted me with her emotions and given her background, ie; severe sexual abuse, that was a huge step for her. In that way, I was untrustworthy, she now says that she can't trust me with her, that I will hurt her again.
I know that I can absolutely trust her. I just can't say it because she doesn't believe it, and that starts more of the conversation about how she just can't get past old feelings and resentments.
I was reading in COG's thread a post about Emotional Abuse and how it might be necessary for her to talk about this a lot until she has worked her way all the way through it for things to get better. The post also mentions something I've done that is a big no-no. I've listened thinking I was validating and then said, "in my opinion....". Big mistake.
If you or anyone else has any advice regarding how I should handle things in repairing the damage done through emotional abuse, please help.
Most of the books and articles I've read on Emotional Abuse talk about yelling, screaming, threats and such. I never did that. I just questioned her every move and doubted her intentions. This went on for a period of approximately 10 years or so.
I don't know why either. I've been in therapy and we have discussed this a lot. The therapist thinks its due to my line of work, starting as a investigator tracking cheating spouses for several years really screwed up my perspective. I'm past that, although I do struggle sometimes with old mental patterns, I have refrained from any verbalization of that stuff for quite some time now.
In all honesty, the only time it does come up is when I'm defending myself. I try to point out that I did do that, but I'm not now. That has backfired every time.
