This post is for me to talk about something that happened last night. I think I may have over reacted, but when one is hurt, it is hard to control emotions.
Keep the fact in the back of your mind that I was the one who cheated...
5 years ago, my H confessed to having an 8 month EA with a woman at work. Needless to say, I handled it pretty badly. I was hurt and angry. He got upset at the fact I got angry because:
1. He never slept with her (and yes I do beleive him) 2. I should have been happy that he left someone he loved to come home to his wife (huh? you should have never had to "leave" someone else to come home to your wife)
I have forgiven him for the affair, and yes he still works with the OW. I have trusted him when he says he does not speak to her and it is over.
Last night he came home 2 hours late from work. No phone call, no nothing. I started to worry, he came home and it was obvious he had been at the mall picking up some Christmas presents.
So he put the receipts away in his drawer and went to have a shower. Of course being the unpatient person I am, I looked at the receipts seeing what he bought. (I know, I know, snooping is BAD).
There was one gift that seemed odd. Later that night I asked him if he found everything he was looking for (mistake!) at the point he knew I had looked at the receipts.
He said yes. I said oh, ok and was ready to just drop it. Then he said aren't you going to ask me who for? I had said no at first. Then he said, I know it is bugging you so just ask..
So I did...now I wish I hadn't...
He bought a Christmas gift for that OW. He said he bought it for her so she knows that she meant something to him and that he cared
I was stunned. I didn't say anything, then I got angry.
We started discussing it. I told him the only thing I would have liked is to know you wanted to do this, and not hide it from me. Of course he threw back " I have to ask you permission to buy something for someone? You didn't ask permission when you had your A's!". I tried to tell him that it has nothing to do with permission, but when it comes to her, I think I have a right to know. I looked him straight in the eye and said you had an affair with this woman, what reaction did you expect?"
His response, kindness and understanding and considering what you have done, you are in no position to complain.
During the conversation I started to feel like I was wrong in getting hurt and upset.
He ended the conversation with somthing along the lines of "I probably won't give it to her now because you have destroyed all of the happiness and joy I felt giving her the gift. The same thing you always do, to destroy anything in my life that makes me happy. You don't care if I am happy, you don't want me to be happy, you just want me miserable which you have done rather well."
I couldn't talk anymore. I slept on the couch and pretty much cried myself to sleep. I feel like my feelings don't matter in the least, and they don't exist.
After a while, he came out and tried to comfort me and say "talk to me, I will just listen (which by the way he has never done)". I told him thank you for the offer, but I really don't want to talk right now and want to be alone.
I think that hurt his feelings, and that was NOT my intention. I knew I was not in the right mindset to talk any longer. It was 1:30 am by then and neither one of us was in the mindset to have a productive conversation.
He wants honesty, and yet when I ask for the same, he is sure to bring up the past and say you weren't honest with me. He thought he was best to hide it from me because he knew it would hurt me if he told me.
Should I just let him do these things and accept the fact that this is what I deserve after what I have done? Did I overreact? Why do I feel guilty because he bought her a gift? Am I being a B%&$^ because I got angry at this?
I really don't know what to feel or say anymore I am so confused .
Bad day for me today. Just going to try to get through it, make sense of everything.
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