Thanks for your input. Yes, I know it's a slippery slope to be intimate with my H when he is not committed to me. And yes, we are not really making love, but just having sex. I guess the first time we did it, I did it to prove to myself, and to him, that I would be able to be with him again, even if he had been with another woman. I can't say that I didn't get some pleasure out of knowing the tables had been turned on the OW, and that she was the one being cheated on. I became the OW in his life.
I read one of Michele's articles on intimacy, and it really helped me with my decision. I will post a link to it if I can find it.
Lack of intimacy during the year before my H had his affair was an issue for us. It was probably one, if not the main reason he gave into temptation and started the A. I'm not saying it wouldn't have happened, but at the time we hadn't had sex in five months. He didn't feel any connection to me physically, so I think it was easier for him to tell himself he wasn't cheating. The A went on for two months before I realized what was happening. I don't think he would have been intimate with me, without me knowing about her.
About a month before he broke up with the OW, he said that one of the things that made him realize that we could have a future, was our intimacy. When I peek over at the threads in Piecing, I see so many couples who have worked through issues, but still are not intimate, or at least not at a level they want to be at. I guess in my mind, staying intimate with my H now, will be one less thing we will have to work through later.
