B, You know that I'm never one to sugar coat anything that I post. I'm just attempting to prepare you for what may occur. I've seen this happen to a number of posters and others off line.
We begin to see our spouse emerge from the cocoon of madness and we begin to build up our hopes and dreams that it's finally over and life will begin anew. B, it all takes time and he's still on the other coast. The true healing and rebuilding will not begin until he is back under your roof. Right now, I really do think he's testing you to see if you are going to revert back to your old ways. That testing will continue for quite a while.
Also, when he is home, he will feel very guilty and sorry and will probably make comments about how you feel and if you want him to leave he will. He will still feel a bit low and have low self esteem for a while. I know that you will encourage him. If you should happen to lose your patience over anything, and I don't mean at him, but anything, he may perceive it as you are projecting on to him. They are extremely fragile when they return home. It's like you are holding a bird egg in your hand and you have to cuddle them and make them feel safe. It's a very difficult road you will be traveling, however, you will make it because you are determined.
Yes, I understand you don't like the place where you are right now, true, it's better than where you were this time last year, but I'm only cautioning you that everything will not right itself for many months to come. You have every right to be afraid, because you are going to be entering new and unknown waters, but you've got your support team here and your family to help you swim, not sink.
Trust in God, keep positive and allow things to work slowly in the healing department. If you rush the healing once he's home, he may very well find an excuse to leave. I certainly hope not, but many do get impatient and wants things back to normal and that's where they make their biggest mistakes and it's the old two steps back and try again.
I do wish you the best, but you must keep your expectations at zero even when he comes home.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
