b, Keep the expectations at zero! Your h is still in mlc and the lingo is still in his emails. This part of the journey is the most frustrating part of the entire crisis. He's showing signs of waking up and coming home and you are getting impatient. It's going to take at least another 12-18 months after he's home for him to fully recover.
Learn to step back and realize that he's going to continue to talk off the wall and test you until he's completely settled once again.
If you push too hard, he will walk the other way. Listen, take in what you need and do not get offended or hurt by anything he says at this time. He's inching his way over the finish line.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Yep, I thought so, and yes I am hanging in there and keeping my mouth shut, apart from the email I have said nothing else in regards to anything that has happened.
I figured that by this time next year we would be on better footing. I already knew that the next year would be hard.
Guess it is time to buy some duct tape for my mouth...just in case!
I really just want this freaking journey to be over I am so tired. I know that this place is so much better then where I was last year.
I am trying to be positive, guess I am having one of those hormonal PMS moments again.
Just one more question.....Am I piecing or am I still in limbo?
I guess I am some place in between.
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
Technically you are in both arenas, more so in piecing. I don't classify you being totally in piecing until that man is back under your roof.
I may be very wrong in what I'm thinking, but he's testing you because he's getting close to coming home. It could have been his way of seeing if he really wanted to come home or use some excuse to stay put. It's all part of the exiting of the crisis.
You are going to need more than duct tape. You are going to have to dig deeper than you ever have for more patience and compassion because once he's home and under your roof, the true testing will begin and believe me, you will not be able to hold your tongue or your patience for very long if he continues w/comments, etc. You will need to count to ten, walk away or change the subject. Another thing, you will need to learn to smile until your face hurts at times. It's a very trying time, one that is almost as bad as dealing w/a child who has colic.
I wish you all of the best.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
This race is not given to the swift or the strong. ...fight on...pray on
Broken lines from a gospel song kept running through my mind as I read that email and your responses to your husband. It was a beautiful exchange and I am proud of you. As much as his words seem to still have the subtlest bite to them, it will be exaggerated once he is home if you don't have it entirely under your feet...and the Blood. You know all that, though. So I'm just here to remind you, as you have done for me so many times.
BND, Agree with everyone that the email exchange was wonderful and that he's still showing some caution. I think you did very well in the way you responded to his email response. I also think that you're not quite in piecing until he's moved back home. One step at a time (your thread title) is a good way to go. You're also in such a good place now and he's definitely wanting to be home. He's probably just feeling nervous, probably as nervous as you are about being together again. With all that you have learned and your changes, all I see is a successful M going forward. ~PH
Snodderly you don't sound too encouraging. I get the feeling like you are basically telling me to get ready for the ride of my life and that he may walk away again.
I do feel that he is somewhat sincere in his efforts and his words to me. He is still not all there, but this place is much better then before.
All I have to compare his current behavior to is the spewing of the previous few years and the Husband from before MLC.
I will be honest. I do not like this place and I am afraid.
I have had the life sucked out of me over the past few years and have spent so much time on my face before God, clinging to hope and faith.
I do not know how much more I am capable of handling and I know I am strong enough to keep going but when is enough truly enough?
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
BND, Breathe in, breathe out. One moment at a time, being the best you that you can be. The rest will take care of itself. You are OK. Holly
Bomb 1/06 D dismissed 11/07, attempt reconciliation. Premature. Divorce final October 31, 2008. OW looks like bad history. Over. Still hopeful. Baby steps. In R with my X.
BND, I wish you all the luck and strength for the next few months. You will get through that phase as well. Hopefully, everything will be the way YOU want it. Hang in there and take care. You are in my thoughts.
~PH 