One step at a time.........

[brandnewday]

MY RESPONSE IN QUOTES AND ITALICS

I am sorry I have taken so long to respond. It has been important. I needed some time to let your message ferment and give you a proper response.

" Thank you for doing this for me and for understanding the importance of my words ."

First, I want to say that I have enjoyed the positive changes you have made in your life. They have encouraged me and strengthened me in ways you do not understand.

" The changes I have made were necessary for me to be able to live my life to the fullest. Your encouragement only pushes me to continue to be my best.I like who I am becoming. I am not sure what ways I do not understand. I know that I have taken your words to heart and have been trying to be the encourager that you greatly lacked in your life. I want to see you succeed. I want to be your cheerleader. I believe in you. "

You have to understand that you have not been a partner to me for a very long time. Many times I literally cried to you with my needs. I will never know why you were so harsh. But what I know now is that I LIKE who you are now and I LOVE you as a person, a friend, a mom to my children and as my wife.

" I was harsh because that was the way I was taught to be. After much self examination and reflection of myself, I began to understand where these ugly traits came from. Without blaming anyone but myself, I learned that it was OK to be myself and to allow people to see my vulnerable side. That I didn't need to protect myself anymore, and that I could still be strong and firm, but I didn't need to build an impenetrable fortress around my heart. "

" WE have never discussed the depths of the hurt and abuse that I have endured throughout my life. I have shared bits and pieces. As I once told you, I felt that you were a reward from God. Unfortunately I did not fully appreciate the gift I had been given, for that I am so sorry . "

This fear you have of "ghosts" is understandable. You should be fearful. I was strong enough to walk away from abuse and I can do it again. But, I want you to know I am now 100% invested in you. Before, I was only invested in myself. I don't have anything unresolved or lingering or unfinished business stuck in my head. I think your word security blanket is fair.

" Why should I remain fearful? I don't want to live in fear and be anxious about what is waiting for me around the corner. I would hope that after all that we have been through over the past few years together that we have learned how to communicate better. I would hope that things will no longer fester and that we are now free to express ourselves and our needs to one another without fear of rejection. "

" Abuse is a very harsh word. Was I unkind? Yes. Was I unloving? Yes. Did I over-react? Yes. Was I good friend to you? No. The list can go on, but I am not here to play the blame game. We have both made mistakes. We have both hurt one another. We both have to learn how to forgive on a daily basis .I have apologized many times for my shortcomings and the fruits of my labors are not hidden. "

" I am glad you have removed the "ghosts" from your head and from your life and hopefully your cell phone.This is my only area of contention. To know and truly believe that they will never reappear,and if they should resurface that your "ghosts" will quickly exit the scene and understand that their season is now over. "

I like being respected and listened to and not fearful of saying the wrong thing. I have an artist's heart and I needed to express myself. Frankly, I enjoyed a safe harbor where I was not yelled at or judged. It was a safe place I could heal and rediscover who I am.

" I understand what you are saying here. I also understand that for that particular season of your life, perhaps that is where you felt you needed to be. We have never really discussed very much of your life away from home. I have chosen not to ask any more questions as you may have noticed. As most of the things I did ask about were half truths, I would prefer not to push for the truth anymore and just accept it as something that happened. Should you one day ever want to talk about it, I can listen and be a friend. "

I am stronger and better because of it. And, you are enjoying the benefits.

" Especially those shoulders!! "

Now that you have chosen to make hard and important changes in your life you are finally providing me with what I need in a wife...including the sexual part.

" Yes, I have made many changes. I want to make you happy. I want to please you. I want sex to be an expression of that love also. I have desires also that in time you will be able to give me as my Husband and my friend.....oh, and as my lover too!"

Your choices not only strengthen you, they strengthen me. They are comforting and reassuring and respectful and attractive...I could go on and on. Why would I leave something so wonderful and perfect?

" I would hope that things would never again get to that point. I also understand that there will be an adjustment period when you return. We must be patient with one another as we learn how to live together again. Thinking only the best of one another and knowing that we are human, and we will make mistakes, but we will work them out calmly and maturely. I don't mind a good argument, but I can not go back to the fighting ."

Still, you and I have need for individual privacy. And, yes, no secrets. I totally agree. But, because you have removed your punitive attitude and become more reasonable, I have no fear sharing with you. I also believe you have built up so much confidence you have nothing to fear, either.

" Again, as I reiterate, privacy is a must, but no secrets. I never want us to return to that place of ugliness and deceit ."

I am looking forward to you and I finally putting our baggage behind us and enjoying a rich and satisfying life together.

Thank you, that means so much to me.

I am sorry it has taken me so long to write back. But, I want you to know you are the most important person in my life. You are the first one I think of in the morning. And, you are the last one I think of at night.

Thank you for taking the time to write this I truly appreciate the depths of your words to me.

Happy New Year
Happy New Year.......Let's make it that way!!