One step at a time.........

[PositivelyListening]

Hi BND,

I understand your sadness but also the need to remove these friends from your life, if they are toxic to you - and they certainly sound so as you describe it. I would encourage you, rather than just dissappearing from their lives, to let them know why. That their behavior is unhealthy and you don't want it around you. That you care about them but do not find they way they relate acceptable, and since they are not choosing to make any changes about it, you need to step away. That if something changes in the future, where they decide to get help and work on it, that you would be open to talking with them about it. Something like that, so that your boundary is stated and you have left them with options and left both you and them empowered to take action steps that would be workable.

I have been thinking about this with my H - at what point will I be able to have a real conversation with him, and set boundaries as needed when I could expect him to get it? I still believe I am dealing with someone who flips from one minute to the next, and has no sense of time. Which is very different from healthy people doing unhealthy things. Anyway...

One thing I am always happy about is coming over to your thread and reading about you amd your Beloved. I went into the archives last week, and saw some of your posts from last year, where your H was beginning to speak to you as a friend, when he was hurting. You were amazing, how you handled it. Can you give me a time to refer back to in your threads when your H was really detached and sure he was on the right path by leaving? It would help me to see how you handled that phase since that's where my H appears to be at - cocky and sure leaving is best. Of course OW is still very much in the picture. Was there an OW in your sitch a ways back? Just looking for similarites BND, as I look to you for hope! I am so happy your H is coming home. I know it makes all of us here so glad for you.