One step at a time.........

[angelica]

BND - I finally figured out that you were now mostly in 'Piecing', and have just read your thread. your MIL really is a piece of work.

Well we had a lovely Christmas, me my boys and some friends of theirs who didn't have a good place to go, and then h called and wants to come home!! Said he understood if I never wanted to speak to him again. Noticed how patient I was when he was horrible. I said I wanted to hit him at times, and he said 'You did - in the heart' He never says stuff like that. Anyway, he is packing up and planning to drive back here. We are very cautious, and I am prepared for some backsliding, because I know they don't just shift from one state to another. in fact he said that was the problem during the touch and goes - he couldn't understand why it wasn't all right immediately!!

BND I just wanted to thank you for your posts to me, and to others. You took the calm long view, on how to be grown up during this h*ll, how to trust in God, how to be kind and gracious to our aliens. You are an inspiration. I related to so much of what you said, and what I didn't relate to I learned from.

I am so happy that you are going to be re-united soon, and suggest that we get Lissett's bus out for the MIL. The world really would be a better place . . . As you know, mine has been an unfailing supporter of me and teh kids, and it has made a difference to me.

Angelica

[HSSweetheart]

Happy New Year back. And I mean that for all of us, I hope it IS a Happy New Year. I am looking forward to the changes I have made and am cautiously optomistic about things.
Glad to hear you have a date and things are going well, keep us updated. My H I don't think ever bought me anything sexy that I can remember. High heeled boots once which I just started wearing again. Sounds good! Keep up the good work!

[brandnewday]

This week has just flown by.

Maybe it is because the kids finally went back to school and I am able to get some chores done.

I went to the VS sale and had some fun there.I took some pics with my cell phone from the fitting room and sent them to my Husband. (regular clothes not lingerie)!
He told me he liked all of the outfits I picked out and that is how I should dress more often.

Yesterday I got my haircut again and had some highlights put in.
My Beloved put extra money into my account to pay for these things and told me to keep buying myself nice things because I deserved them.

He also told me that when he is home he wants to take me shopping and help me choose my clothes. This is coming from a man who always hated the malls and shopping.
I like this part of him. I feel like he is finally trying to make me happy and his selfishness from MLC is slowly waning.

I am enjoying hearing all of the niceties that were lacking for so long. I am actually starting to feel pretty again and not like the person he just settled for.

I am still going into this with eyes wide open and I am very cautious. The more he is trying, the easier it becomes to let down my guard. But I also know this will take time.

In another week, the big kids return to school and I will then be alone with the little ones for a short while longer. I really do hate being alone and the countdown until my Husband's return seems to be taking forever.

BUT at least there is now a countdown and for that I am very grateful.

MIL left a message asking me how my Christmas was and wishing me a Happy New Year. I did not return her call. I want 2007 to be a year of new beginings and not have her included in my life.

This has nothing to do with forgivness, but rather self preservation. I am eliminating the dross from my life and unfortunately the damage and the chaos she helped to create have left a huge scar.

I have not heard from my Mother for about 3 months. She did not acknowledge the Christmas gifts or Birthday present I sent her.

Oh well......moving forwards is always hard, but it is better then taking steps backwards.

[plentyhope]

Hey BND,
Glad to hear that H is being so generous and loving. Wow! Going to the mall with you to help you pick out clothes.

I am still going into this with eyes wide open and I am very cautious. The more he is trying, the easier it becomes to let down my guard. But I also know this will take time.

How does your H handle your guard? Does he ever complain or feel insecure/resentful about your guard? Is he understanding of it? I know I had my guard up during my M because it was hard to trust my H at times and he complained about that. He has anger/forgiveness issues that have affected me but feels afraid that I won't be close to him. Well, I wish he would go to a boot camp for his issues...

This has nothing to do with forgivness, but rather self preservation. I am eliminating the dross from my life and unfortunately the damage and the chaos she helped to create have left a huge scar.

I understand this completely. I have had to do this with my own mother - hard to believe she does not and never had loved her own children.

You're doing well and kudos to you! PH

[brueniap]

BND,
I am so happy for you and your count down. This is a thrill for all of us to read. And wow to all the new clothes and the excitement happening in the shopping arena. Isn't God GREAT???????

Can't imagine the mother thing that you deal with? I just don't get it. I know, without a doubt, that my kids could never say such things about me. We are very close even tho we rarely get to see each other. But I do read your thots with caution and realize there are places that need improvement in my life as a mom and mom in law. I let lack of time get in the way of my priorities. I am often reminded that I do not give enuff of me to my family as I ought to. I know much of that was my growing up as an ONLY child. Frankly, I like my solitude. Just kinda fits with me. But it's not because I don't love my family.

Your threads always make me think.

You don't have much time before your guy comes home. I'm sure you have lots you can do to take up your time while getting ready for his homecoming. Pretty soon it will all be over. You'll be like a new bride again (only with 8 children!!!)

You inspire us all,

brue

[cat03]

cool! new clothes are always a pick me up

Sorry your mom is notcontact you, but be assured that you've done your part and the ball is in her court and you won't any regrets on that part, it is her loss.

[brandnewday]

Last night I had a very surreal experience.

A friend of mine and her Husband were having severe marital problems.
I watched them calling each other back and forth on their cell phones, yelling and screaming at each other.
Both of them being verbally abusive, both of them threatening each other.
Both of them were totally wrong.
Neither of them took the time to actually listen to each other, they just attacked.
Both of them were hurting and both of them need major help.
It is obvious that they love each other but they have become entwined in this vicious cycle.
They do this pattern every few months and then once things calm down nobody works on the problems, they just let them fester until someone explodes.
And then it begins again.

I can see how easily one can get caught up in the trap.

I woke up this morning very upset inside.

It made me realize how far my Husband and I have come in regards to love, respect and communication.

There is no more yelling at one another, or screaming.
We have been talking and listening to one another.

I never want to go backwards, or end up in a riproaring fight with him over something petty.

There is no joy or satisfaction over tearing someone down and making them feel like s**t.

I have learned so much from the DBing principals and from my friends here on this BB.

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who has been so loving and kind and supportive of me over the past couple of years.

XXX

[Heywyre]

Brandnewday

Isn't it amazing what we do to each other? And, this is the person we (thought we) love(d) - words can cut MUCH deeper than a knife and we can't take them back.

I have been VERY fortunate in my life, especially my second marriage, to have never said something to H in the heat of the moment that I wished I hadn't - and neither has he. As much as we have a LOT of problems, we have maintained our respect for each other and I think that is the core that will help us get through this, regardless of whether or not we actually stay together. Because even if we don't, there is no doubt in my mind, he will still remain a very big part of my life.

[HSSweetheart]

Funny how upsetting it is when you see other people experiencing the behaviors you just experienced. I guess it is a cycle we all went through and came out better people on the other side, at least I did. I don't argue anymore either. Much nicer relationship without it.

[cat03]

There is no more yelling at one another, or screaming.
We have been talking and listening to one another.

I never want to go backwards, or end up in a riproaring fight with him over something petty.

There is no joy or satisfaction over tearing someone down and making them feel like s**t.

I have learned so much from the DBing principals and from my friends here on this BB.

I couldn't have said it better. It is beyond me what the heck I was thinking and what got out of getting the best out of my H in an argument, in the fact that I was able to come up w/a good jab. It horrifies me to think that I felt some satisfaction at having "one up " on him.

It has been a huge wake call, DBing, I also thank all my good friends here