BND,

It's almost a cliche now that Christmas and similar holidays are very stressful times, even for "normal" (what that, eh??) relationships and families - how much more so for all of us struggling with marital issues. I've been thinking about why these holidays are so stressful, and it must be something to do with groups of people trying to shoehorn their feelings into ill-fitting situations so that they can all "get along" for a few days. For many people that requires pretence and suppression of some very strong passions and anxieties.

Great recipe for fun, eh?? What I'm wondering here is that if we need to "detach" within the principles of DB from others' moods and actions, shouldn't we also be capable of detaching from the artificial constraints of Christmas, etc. Is it controlling us or are we controlling it?

It would of course be lovely to wake up beside your H on Christmas Day. But lovelier than any other day???

W and I, even in the midst of our agonies, have decided to virtually abandon the whole Christmas thing this year. Previously our Christmases were major production numbers. We're keeping present giving and visiting to a bare minimum, and we're not even staying at home. It feels great so far!! Maybe this year you can just bail out and refuse to sweat over who's staying with who??? Just get in a few more crates of Riesling.....


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