I really blew it this morning!!!! H asked me why there was so much tension in the air. My car was in the shop and I was waiting for a co-worker to pick me up.....had about 10 minutes to pour my heart out. I told him I was upset because we weren't working on any goals and we actually had talked more during the time of his affair. I accused him of lying (giving only one specific example). I also tried to explain that I didn't think he was having another PA, but he was spending way too much time with "new friend who happens to be a member of the opposite sex". I told him I wanted him to value me and work together to make our M better. He could be spending more time on that instead of this new friendship. He told me I was spending too much time keeping track of his life and phone calls. He told me I had been jealous for 30 years and maybe I should be the one to leave. He didn't think he should change his words or actions just so I feel better. He made a sarcastic remark about the shape of the house (since it wasn't perfectly spotless).
Then I went to work.
Came home. Had dinner together with D16. He asked if I was going to come watch tv with him.
I will go in a minute. Had to vent a bit. I am actually thinking of telling him we should just back off and not try to improve our R at this time. If I have zero expectations I won't be disappointed.
