Now I am confused about what to do. H is lying. I think he's doing it to not upset me, but how am I supposed to build back trust when he lies? Should I just ignore the lies and see what happens? Should I confront him? (The lying is new behavior-- when the PA started he told me the truth.)

Example: H said his brother called and said we were all invited over to "someone's" house for the football game. It just happens to be H's new friend who happens to be a member of the opposite sex (who I wrote about earlier...the one who picked him up from the airport).

As we were driving over this was our conversation:
Me: thanks for including me.
H: I wouldn't dare not after being gone for a month. You wouldn't be happy if I went without you.
Me: It would be nicer if you said "I wouldn't want to go without you after being gone a month". You are right that I wanted to be with you.

That made him mad that I told him he said it wrong. I told him I was just trying to explain to him that it would be a more positive way to state it in terms of our R. I said I wanted us to have a happy, close R again.

So, we go, enjoy the game with 5 other people. When we're ready to leave I just simply say to the hostess, "thanks for including me". And she said "I should have called, but it was your H that emailed everyone and made all the arrangements". So H was lying and I found out in an innocent way. Then I went home and snooped!!! I looked at his cell phone and there were calls and text messages between them for the last 3 days.

I am concerned. I am tempted to call this person and ask how she feels about H. I want to ask her if she knows H had an affair and we almost got D'd. I want to ask her if she values our marriage. This person has been a friend of my BIL for many, many years, but H and her relationship just started since Thanksgiving. She is also a guidance counselor at a high school---certainly she understands relationship issues! I would hope that she is enjoying H's company because he is a fun guy and "safe" since he is married. One of her friends is good friends with H's brother. Maybe she just wants to have a close friendship, too. Maybe, maybe not. H's PA affair started with being a friend to someone who was lonely and needy. That is why I am concerned!!!!!!!!!!!

The other half of me thinks I should just ignore my feelings of insecurity, continue to work on my own goals and then H may stop paying her so much attention. I know I am jealous because she is cute, tiny (size 1), and has a perfectly clean house. All surface stuff....but that was the basis for my H's dissatisfaction with our marriage.

HELP!