Back from my wonderful vacation seeing most of my family and feeling rejuvenated and ready to work on my PMA! H was only able to join us for 2 days with his work schedule, but my family welcomed him with open arms (actually only one sister knows the whole story about ow so they had no reason to reject him).
Part of my recent slump was due to a health issue--flare up of leg pain so severe I stopped exercising for almost 2 months. I gained back some of the weight I had lost which was depressing. I still have the pain, but confirmed that the exericise won't make it worse. Getting old is rough!
So back to basics AGAIN! Maybe this time I'll get it right!
GOALS: 1) Exercise 30 minutes 5 days a week (minimum time; want it to be achievable) for weight loss and stress reduction. 2) Declutter house once and for all 3) Do something just for ME (not sure on this--a class? a new hobby? new friends?)
why not not a class, a new hobby AND new friends?! I need to get that exercise one cracked too - don't be hard on yourself, it's difficult finding time to do that much. I'd be pleased with 3 sessions a week! Why not have a little brainstorm and just spend 10 minutes writing down every thing you ever wanted to do - however crazy - and see where that takes you?
You cannot teach a man anything; you can only help him discover it in himself. Galileo Galilei
Quote: Why not have a little brainstorm and just spend 10 minutes writing down every thing you ever wanted to do - however crazy - and see where that takes you?
Good idea! I have put my desires on the back burner (H, D16, work, have always come first) for so long that I really have to think hard about what would make me happy. I need to be happy with me! I know I shouldn't expect my H to make me happy. That may be the key to building back the trust and happiness in our M. I told my H that I wanted him to treat me better than he treats his friends. He doesn't get it at all. So, I will work on giving him reason to seek me out--I need to become an interesting, fun person to be with.
I hope 2007 will be the year I grow and become content with myself. I'll wish this for you, too, if it applies.
We had a quiet New Years here at home. It was actually delightful.
On Monday I had this crazy idea to invite a couple friends over for dinner. It was a lot of work and I was really doing it to see how the one friend reacted around H with me there and to see how H acted around her. This is the new friend that H has been talking to way too much in my opinion. All seems ok on the surface, but I found a boarding pass for a plane trip that showed me he went back to our house other than back to the school (he's in training for his job and told me he had to be back there on the 26th. It's in a different state). Strange. It was a 12 hour period unaccounted for. Driving me crazy, but I can't ask since I found the boarding pass by snooping. Sure makes me question his trustworthiness. Maybe he was just uncomfortable being around all my family due to the previous talk of D, etc.
However, I am not going to dwell on the trust issue at this time (for a change). He'll be gone for 2 weeks to finish the training. A good time for me to work on my self improvement plan! I feel like this time I will succeed because I want to feel better about myself instead of trying to change just to please H.
Wondering if H just needs more space again. Should I let him initiate the phone calls and text messages while he is away? It's seems easier to talk to him when we're not in the same room. Is that crazy, or what?!
Centering my efforts on just ME is a difficult task. I have to remember that baby steps are good.
Matilda and a good 07 to you! ((())) I have also been off the boards, but a member for , well way to long. Have been on and off MLC and Piecing myself.
Lots of same feelings for myself M:27 yrs. D22, S20 H: was WAS in long term A , H back home about 1 yr. But not really.
We also never went to MC, my H also very silent about the A, silent about what went wrong in our M to lead up to the A, and in my case uses the excuse of feeling the guilt and can't talk about it.
What struck me in your sitch also was the PMA I thought I had gained when H was not at home, but seems to crash on that never endning roller coaster I call piecing. Piecing still on my part.
Not sure about you, but days I feel the over vigilance about "watching him", and not letting my guard down are what is so very hard. The silence certainly does not help either.
Do you see a C yourself? In my case it does, to realize this white knight will never come riding back to me professing his unending love, but the reality of piecing ourselves is definitely harder now.
I love your 07 goals--reminds me that I promised myself to start my own. I think I will start small as usual and like you continue to start on my goals for MYself.
One goal is to continue here on these boards for the support of many strong friends. And to share and listen if you care to.
Thanks, Jeanb. You articulated MY feelings so well. Especially: white knight will never come riding back to me professing his unending love,
The first day back my H was very sweet and caring and a little worried about whether or not I really wanted him back. Since then--no effort on H's part to make me feel secure in our R.
Thanks for making me feel I am not alone in this new battle.
I don't have any specific advice, having not made it to piecing, and in all reality never being likely to, but I do wish you the very best. I can only imagine how tough it must be. How's your GAL going today?
You cannot teach a man anything; you can only help him discover it in himself. Galileo Galilei
Matilda, It sounds like you've made a commitment towards goals that look easy enough on the surface, but for you will be reinventing yourself. I'm glad that your expectations are reasonable--by rewarding yourself for baby steps.
Creating your own set of rewarding experiences will help you to cope with the uncertainties of your R at this time. I hope work and parenting are also rewarding for you.
Concerned_Listener
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
