Dear friend, thank you for your post to me. I read through it twice and really let it sink in. I know that going dark is very necessary now and I have been very good at keeping up with it, despite the sadness. The only contact I had w/him was a reply to his text on the 25th. Nothing else.
I will continue the dark plan and let you know how I'm feeling come Jan. 15th.
You nailed it when you described how he was acting last Christmas. Cocky, arrogant, etc. Check, check, check. Plus he was in the midst of the affair and telling me his life was different now (because he was with ow).
My friend I have spoken of here told me on Christmas that he was not surprised H didn't call me, because if he didn't care, he'd be capable of conducting the formality of calling to wish me a happy holiday. The fact that he didn't do that seemed to suggest (to my friend) that H still very much cares and cannot face talking to me right now.
.....a crucial element of MLC (which is inherently narcissistic, BP and every other horrible mental illness packed into this insane time) is wanting to be wanted
absolutely. I know someone that is a narcissist and believe me it is not a pretty site. I've read a lot about it, and MLC'ers definitely dive right into this trait. It's one of the most foul of all the characteristics they portray, IMO.
It does get somewhat easier as the days go on but I know I'll continue to feel set back along the way. Meanwhile I'm really trying to move on in many ways, not just in this relationship. It's all a little at a time for me. I look back now and see just how overwhelming this has been to my life. So, bottom line is that I'll keep up the no contact, if only for my well-being. I don't know if H is even truly noticing or caring about it, but that isn't why I should be doing it in the first place.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
brava, thanks for checking in with me. I related with what you said about being afraid that my H would think I was now being mean by not reaching out. But when I stop and think about that, why on earth should I care if I appear mean? He certainly isn't undeserving of that. Trying to keep it all in perspective...thanks for your support.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
Thanks for your post. You have motivated me and another person on this site to go dark until January 15th, too. I am so glad that I read your thread. I have really looked at interaction between H and I over the last year and realize the only time I have seen any movement on H's part was when I had no contact with him. Once I made the decision not to even attempt to maintain a friendship with H, I felt lighter and happier.
Thanks again for planting the seed.
Everything happens for a reason, maybe Dad needs to find that it isn't better out there, he needs to realize how good he had it here. Maybe he will find God and that is the most important thing when he finds Him he will know he is supposed to come home.
My H didn't call on Christmas morning to wish me or d7 a Merry Christmas and even when he picked up d7 later on Christmas Day, I got no eye contact and he stayed out on the porch instead of coming in the house. ( he always comes in when he picks her up) Just the night before I was at SIL's and H was there too. He ignored me the entire night. I tried not to let it bother me, just talked to everyone else.
Do you really think the way my H acted meant that he still cares or is it just his guilt??? To me if he was completely over me then he would have no problem wishing me a "Merry christmas" or looking me in the eye when I talk to him.
Sorry for the Hyjack--- I know how you feel when you say that your H is showing no signs of caring anymore. It hurts. I agree with everyone here about going dark for awhile. Let him feel what is like to lose you for awhile.
