Dear friend, thank you for your post to me. I read through it twice and really let it sink in. I know that going dark is very necessary now and I have been very good at keeping up with it, despite the sadness. The only contact I had w/him was a reply to his text on the 25th. Nothing else.
I will continue the dark plan and let you know how I'm feeling come Jan. 15th.
You nailed it when you described how he was acting last Christmas. Cocky, arrogant, etc. Check, check, check. Plus he was in the midst of the affair and telling me his life was different now (because he was with ow).
My friend I have spoken of here told me on Christmas that he was not surprised H didn't call me, because if he didn't care, he'd be capable of conducting the formality of calling to wish me a happy holiday. The fact that he didn't do that seemed to suggest (to my friend) that H still very much cares and cannot face talking to me right now.
.....a crucial element of MLC (which is inherently narcissistic, BP and every other horrible mental illness packed into this insane time) is wanting to be wanted
absolutely. I know someone that is a narcissist and believe me it is not a pretty site. I've read a lot about it, and MLC'ers definitely dive right into this trait. It's one of the most foul of all the characteristics they portray, IMO.
It does get somewhat easier as the days go on but I know I'll continue to feel set back along the way. Meanwhile I'm really trying to move on in many ways, not just in this relationship. It's all a little at a time for me. I look back now and see just how overwhelming this has been to my life. So, bottom line is that I'll keep up the no contact, if only for my well-being. I don't know if H is even truly noticing or caring about it, but that isn't why I should be doing it in the first place.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
