You are so kind and patient. Your wise words of advice help so many people here. Thank you.
Hope,
I wanted to wish you a Merry Christmas. If I could give you one present I would give you the ability to not care about your H anymore. And that doesn't make you a bad person or mean that you don't want to stand for your marriage. One thing that really helped me get to this point is when I came to the realization that the man I loved did not exist. In my case, he NEVER existed. In your case, I believe he doesn't exist anymore. This man walking around in your H's body is NOT the man you love. That man is gone. You are allowing this "stranger" to hurt you. You are assigning behaviors of this stranger to those you would expect from the man you loved. He isn't that man and he may never be that man again. You would not let an aquaintance treat you like this. You would walk away, avoid, ignore,stay out of their way, whatever. But you would not keep subjecting yourself to mistreatment from an aquaintance. That, at best, is all your H is.
Don't second guess your decision to move away from your H. I know you had no choice. But still, it was the right move. You think that by not being close, you have hurt your chances for a reconciliation. Hope, your H knows where you are. He will find you if, and when, he ever wants to.
Hope, there is only one chance for your H. You have to stop caring about him. You are aiding and abetting his MLC because you are still THERE for him. And he knows it. Get out of the way! No texts, no phone calls, no trips back to see him and puppy, no contact! Let him twist in the wind like Snodderly suggests. Through this whole ordeal with your H, what has been the one constant? You have always been reachable. You always cave in and have some kind of contact with him. And what has been the result? Moments where you feel pretty happy with him and many, many moments where he breaks your heart. You have probably asked yourself over and over, "How can he do this to me?" Hope, how can you do this to yourself?
You are good, decent soul. Many people have come to love you on these boards because your goodness and sweetness comes through in your posts. Many, many people follow your thread. Why do you think that is? People are attracted to you, Hope. You're lovely and likeable and a really neat person. You have a lot to offer the world.
I wish you a wonderful Christmas with the family that loves you. I wish you a peaceful, productive new year.
((((((((((Hope))))))))))
Spitfire
Always do right. This will gratify some people, and astonish the rest. Mark Twain
