Hope, I just got caught up on the last couple of days. First let me say, my H said to me a few times that too much damage has been done and that it's easier to start over with someone new. Yet, he always returned (where we'll end up, who knows).
I'm not a big fan of ultimatums. I think that it will force him into a decision before he's ready to make one. And it could backfire by having him decide to work on teh M when he's not ready to do so. Or it can go in the opposite direction of forcing him into D when he's not ready for that either.
HOWEVER, if YOU have had enough and are ready to move forward, that's a different story. If you want to file for D because it's time for YOU, then do it. But you would be doign it for you, not to knock him over the head. If he gets a wake up call in the process of you doing that, then so be it and deal with it then. But the thought of forcing a decisino out of him makes me very nervous.
I agree with Snodderly in that going dark is a better way to go. That way, you're not forcing anything, but he will have time to think about the fact that you're moving on with your life.
At the end of the day, you have to listen to yoru gut. That's one lesson I've learned with regard to saying certain things or doign certain things with my H. It all came down to my gut.
Your H thinks it will be easier to start over. Wait unti he realizes that he will nto find happiness sweeping it all under the rug and losing his W.
