Hope and Always,
I realize that both of you are exhausted from the passive behavior. It's very frustrating to say the least. You both moved away from your respective spouses and are now attempting to blaze a new path in a new direction. It can be done during separation and while your spouses are playing the main role as Rip Van Winkle. I promise you both that if you go completely dark and do not initiate any contact, they will sit up and take notice at some point. It may not be tomorrow, next week or a couple of weeks, but they will. They will come sniffing around to see what you are up to. When they do, be friendly, but keep your conversations very short and do not share w/them what you are doing w/your lives. You see, right now, by having contact w/them, you are allowing them to continue to hold on to your apron strings and they don't have a reason to start peddling more through the crisis.
I realize the holidays are going to be stressful for you and your families, but no contact is the best way to go, especially w/this family holiday coming up. Of course, it's your decision as to what you want to do, but I feel you need to try going completely dark before you issue any ultimatums.
Always mentioned something that I wanted to zone in on. Yes, these mlcers would really love for us to do all of the work, i.e., separation and divorce and everything that goes w/it. They don't want to focus on these legal issues because it taxes their energy and brain power and of course, w/their brains being mush, they don't understand what is involved in the legal proceedings. That's another reason why it's important to allow them to make the decision and follow through initiating the divorce. Both of you ladies have been wonderful wives, supporters of your men, but this is one time, you need to step back and allow him to carry through on whatever he's going to do. Don't help him. If after your separation time period is up and you want to file, do it and go on from there. You will have done all you can do and can sleep at night for trying.
I wish both you the very best and I do sincerely hope that your holiday season will be a pleasant one, despite the aliens floating around.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
