Hope....you know that I'm in essentially the same situation that you are with your H. Separated, H's in roughly the same stage, and we're both out and about, cutting the cord more and more.
So, it goes without saying that your thread recently--and the advice of your friend--really made me think.
At this point, I'm not sure. I tend to agree with Snodderly with my H. I think my H is feeling a lot of things. On one hand, I think he would just be relieved if I pushed him to a decision, and the best one would be "it's too hard to go back, I did too much"....and I think, with my H, he says these things to hear "no you didn't..." but still doesn't act on it. In my case, we have gone all the way, the papers are ready, I have asked several times to work together on this, and I get the silent treatment. Your H opted for legal separation.
Also, I'm a bit stubborn....I really am sick of making all the first shots, of pushign the hand and generally playing MLC games. Time to be a big boy....and I will go on living in the meantime. I have assessed what I am missing now, and how this "limbo" is holding me back. Not really. I'm sure one day I will get sick of it and ready to cut bait....but until then, going dark is good for me.
Does this mean they DO NOT want a D? I have no idea. But, I think that parts of their minds are too overwhelmed at the possibility that they can come back. I truly do think that they are "over" thinking that running away to something better is right. They are stuck. Which way to go? In my H, I sense, at times, he wants to hear me say "I want to work this out, please." He sometimes pushes me. He also knows that I would not bat an eye if he brought me papers. So, it's a risk.
I moved out and so did you. Our goal in the beginning was to live our life, and you even signed a legal document. So, go forth. You will wake up one day and feel, with all of your being, that saying "fish or cut bait" is the right thing. For now, if you're unsure, let it be. Continue living. Leave the door to be closed or opened again.
Go VERY dark. Cut yourself out of his life and him out of yours. I have done that and it's wonderful.
I agree with what your friend said....that maybe we are "allowing" them the limbo. But, I am also stubborn in not wanting a decision b/c I forced it. I want it to come from H. I want H to show the same fight and resolve that I have all this time, ON HIS OWN. Again, if I get sick of it, I am always free to leave.
I don't know the answers. All I know is that I would LOVE to issue an ultimatum, but I am sick of games, sick of being the one to initiate things, and even when we do come to a game plan for D, he drops the ball. So, for now, I am done even engaging with this, and have backed out altogether.
