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Hope,
Why do you have to give him an ultimatum at this time or any time for that matter? In crisis, he's going to take the easiest way out. People don't like to be put in a position to make a decision of this nature, especially when they are depressed or their brains are scrambled.

Hope, actions always speak louder than words. My advice, and you can take it or leave it, is that you not give him the ultimatium, but go dark. If you give him an ultimatum, he could very well become very defensive and we don't want him to react that way. We want him to think about what he's going to miss if you disappear totally from his life. Be very distant, mysterious and above all else, you cut the contact w/him, not the other way around. The less you contact him, the better. In fact, cease contact entirely as of Christmas. Stop being readily available to this man. You are separated, you must go on as if he's not going to reconcile w/you for the time being. He's got to realize the consequences of his actions and he can't if he's chatting up w/you.

I personally do not think an ultimatum in your situation will work w/this man. He's in too deep of a funk and if your moving to another location didn't shake him up, nothing will at this point. He may be feeling too down on himself and will say that he's not worthy of you and feel that you have to do what you've got to do because of what he's done. In some cases, the ultimatum will work because it's the right time. Hope, I could be reading your situation wrong, but I don't think I am.

It's time to turn the focus back on to you and your new life. Yes, you are in limbo, but that doesn't mean you can't live your life to the fullest. When August comes around and he's still hanging out on the limb, you can then choose to do what you feel is necessary to help you out of limbo. For now, go dark, do not contact him again and focus on the holiday, you and your family.