As you probably remember, I did this with somewhat disastrous immediate results ("I can't be in a monogamous, committed R"), but I actually think it has worked out for the best. I feel better able to move ahead in my life and do stuff like paint the house w/o discussing it with H. Hey, he's gone--what's it to him (aside from his money, hee hee).
WRT to your point about sounding self-assured, as opposed to bitter, this is how I approached it:
I stayed calm and validated him. When he said that he didn't think he could commit, I said well then you have to respect that. Maybe it'll be forever, or maybe not. Who knows? When he told me that he couldn't tell me this face to face b/c I'd cry and then he wouldn't do what's right for him, I said, "If you can't commit to me, then being in a R with you is not good for me either." Incredibly, he said, "Oh! That's true." He'd never thought of it. I spoke in a calm, firm, friendly tone, and got a lot more info than I expected to.
I still may end up legally S in the spring, or D'd in a year, but right now, things are pretty good. I'm friendly, but NC unless it's in reply to him. Meantime, he seems to be trying to do nice things for me and also acts kind of shy around me, like a guy who likes a girl but doesn't want to tell her.
I hope you don't think I've gone on too long about myself, but I hope it will give you some perspective from someone whose sitch is still unresolved. But *I* feel a lot better.
Nicola
Life isn't about finding yourself; it's about creating yourself My thread: Trusting God's Plan
