Thank you, Truelove. Same to you, and to everyone here.
Nothing much to update in regards to my situation. I can share one thing, though. I have a friend who is a young guy; very intelligent person. He knows my story from start to present and has been helpful in showing me ways to handle it, etc. I should note he is also a psychologist. He has told me that I should challenge my H's guilt at this point. It is important to note that what he's suggesting is NOT something I would want new posters to try on their MLC'ers that have just entered replay. My friend realizes that the crazy, manic replay behavior I witnessed has passed, and H has calmed down much, in addition to realizing that he made a terrible mistake by leaving and having the A. My friend has suggested that H is not acting in either direction because he doesn't have to. That I'm allowing H to continue to avoid making a concrete choice because I make it ok for H to do this. I'm being too easy on him. That men respond better when forced to do something and DEAL with the guilt instead of avoiding it, which he thinks H is doing now. In other words, my friend suggests that I tell H that yes, he made some very bad choices and really screwed up our marriage but it's time to decide and deal with it. Clean it up. No more being passive. Either we are going to work on being together, or I'm letting him go and we won't be together again, period. That includes cutting all contact, not being his friend (i.e. taking calls from H and being the wife/counselor role). No more. Make him deal with this now that he knows it was a mistake to go. I have not acted upon this but I've given it much thought. I wondered what others here have to say about it. My friend (remember, he is male) said that men respond much better to this approach, rather than just knowing I'm sort of out there, still wishing to get back w/him someday, etc. Allowing it to drag on and on, my H will never face up with what he did and start to make amends within himself...because NO ONE IS FORCING HIM TO. Thoughts?
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
