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[hopefloats7]

always,
Your post was very touching to me. Thank you for your insight and kind words today.

As your H, he is not in extreme depression that we read about. He still goes to work (not doing well there, though), runs, works out, goes out (not to the extent before), and by all accounts, looks "fine." But, the rare times we talk, the depression comes out in a BIG way. I used to think this was fake, but I think this is the covert depression, not full-blown yet.

Check, check, check. That is my H exactly. He's not curled up in a ball on the bed refusing to leave the house. I don't ever see him hitting a stage where he would allow himself to do that; it's just not like him.
Like you said, I've also experienced conversations via phone with my H that clearly showed me how depressed he was getting. I distinctly remember a bad one in late Oct. that H initiated. I think he had finally realized no matter what he tried to do to rid himself of the sadness inside of him, it didn't work. He seemed to want me to know he was NOT happy still. We talked a while about this and I was kind and friendly, and supportive. But of course happiness is really a decision of the mind...and you have to spring it forth from within before your everyday life reflects it back to you. H doesn't understand this.

I have no idea if OW is in the picuture or which one he's on now. He also has a lot of female friends he hangs out with that are leeches.
To further the comparisons, I don't know what the status of "ow" is, either, but I'd say she is most likely not playing a star role in his life anymore, now that he's been hanging out with this female friend (FF). I cannot say that this girl is a leech or anything badly about her; she isn't. She's actually a nice and decent person who H worked with several years back in the dept. and she knows our situation. H says neither of them are looking to make this a romantic relationship and they just hang out because they are both single. I can almost believe that, knowing this person. If it were someone else, I wouldn't. But then again, what do I really know?

I think this edge of regret is hard. To come back or not to. That means facing things and they're not ready, and might not ever be. My H also thinks it's easier to "move on." But he also talked about "starting over." It's a scary spot. It's easier not to think of it. That's what my H does, live in denial. I think yours is there too.


H always said, from day one of him leaving, that he was not coming back. And he pretty much stood by that, no matter how many times he waivered. But now I am wondering if my moving several hours away has deterred any reconciliation? Because if I were still nearby and he was at this point, would he be more inclined to call ME up to see a movie instead of this friend of his? I wonder a LOT about this...and it's making me very sad.

I think it's lots of time for thought, regret, guilt and shame.
I agree 100% with you. I've heard all of this from H.

I think it's finally seeing that you can't play games forever with people, eventually they get sick of you and move forward.
Right. I agree again. And H knows I've dabbled in the dating scene too. I think it was good for him to know this. It erased that pathetic picture in his head of me sitting around waiting for him with no life of my own.

Be glad that we're not there, with them, to go through this. Remember what a living hell it was to live with/near him while he went through replay.
Oh, honey, it was a living hell indeed. Thank God it isn't this time, last year. I really truly was in a bad way then. Not that I'm fantastic now, but at least I've pulled it together somewhat better than that. I could never survive that again, so yes, thankfully we are both not living thru that awful, arrogant replay stage anymore.

I'm not going to contact him for a while. He knows how I feel. It seems to me that if I were worth any value to him he would move mountains to have us back together. The fact that he doesn't seem to want to do anything makes me feel like I don't mean anything to him anymore, even though he says he does miss me. I just don't understand I guess.