Hi Hope....as usual, looks like we're on the same path, again.
Difference is that you talk to your H.....mine is refusing to talk to me for about 2 months now.
I agree with Snodderly, and it's the only thing we can do to save ourselves now and to just let things be. Don't contact him. Let him go and take a step back. In my sitch, I think H thinks I am dating someone (which I sort of am)....and he immediately filed for D papers but has not signed (to my knowledge) and refuses to talk to me.
As your H, he is not in extreme depression that we read about. He still goes to work (not doing well there, though), runs, works out, goes out (not to the extent before), and by all accounts, looks "fine." But, the rare times we talk, the depression comes out in a BIG way. I used to think this was fake, but I think this is the covert depression, not full-blown yet.
My H, so far, has no plans of going home for the holidays. He didn't for Thanksgiving either. Spent it here, doing who knows what. I went home, though.
I have no idea what's starting to happen, but I agree with what Snodderly said.....he has given indication to others that he feels "manic" in thoughts. I have no idea if OW is in the picuture or which one he's on now. He also has a lot of female friends he hangs out with that are leeches. He also has a family living with him, that everyone sees as a way to avoid the pain and reality of his life.
I think of his life also and get so overwhelmed (but hey, it's NOT my life, right!). Everyone at work disrespects him after finding about the A. Several OW that do not make him happy, depressed, seenig things (supposedly), had to back down at work and take a lower position, isolated and no friends, no W. He also described feeling alone, lonely.
I think this edge of regret is hard. To come back or not to. That means facing things and they're not ready, and might not ever be. My H also thinks it's easier to "move on." But he also talked about "starting over." It's a scary spot. It's easier not to think of it. That's what my H does, live in denial. I think yours is there too.
Who knows what goes on in this stage. I think it's floating above the abyss of depression, but finally seeing it there. I think it's lots of time for thought, regret, guilt and shame. It's finally hearing in our voices that we have started to move on, and we will be fine. That we are really a little sick and tired of this, just weary of them. I think it's finally seeing that you can't play games forever with people, eventually they get sick of you and move forward. That it damages your life too.
Be glad that we're not there, with them, to go through this. Remember what a living hell it was to live with/near him while he went through replay. Take stock in your life now, the calm, no-drama life that you wake up and create each day, with joy and peace in mind. Keep that close to your heart.
This is a rough time for our H's. Let them be. It's been too long that we have been sucked into the drama. Pull away and trust that something is going on there.....be patient.
