Of course you are right, snodderly, and I know I have to leave him be. What's so discouraging is that pretty soon I'll be coming up on TWO YEARS since this all started happening (at least the obvious replay stage). Of course, he's not at all acting so much like the manic, arrogant, crazy person he was back in the beginning. But still, it's been so long already. I had hoped for some progress by now.
As for the mask, I do believe you are right. And strangely enough, I think he's taken it off for me on several occasions. I don't know who else he's shown his true colors to. He's told me before that he likes going to work because at least for those hours he doesn't have to think about his miserable life and the bad choices he's made. But then (this is a quote) when he gets into his car and has to go home for the day, he's very unhappy again.
I may be very sad myself but thankfully I don't have any guilt or self-hatred over any poor choices regarding this relationship.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
