You don't want to know what is going on inside of his head. His thoughts are bouncing off the walls and he's very sad and unhappy w/life. He's got to figure things out and right now, the upstairs attic is a mess of jumbled thoughts. His compass is way off and until that is straigthened out, you'll not get an answer as to whether or not he wants to reconcile w/you.
Actually, Hope, people can shut down their thought processes in one area and focus on another. Your h may be a prime example of this. He's wearing a mask to work and it's taking a lot of energy to do so or he's working, but he's not up to his full potential. Time will tell on this one. I work w/several severely depressed individuals and it's a very difficult struggle for them to function in the work place.
The holidays will make you crazy unless you can find something to take your mind off of the situation. You are going through the grieving process and it all takes time. In a sense, you are grieving for something that has died (relationship), but you've not had closure on the situation. It's an open wound and it's going to take a lot of determination on your part to start healing that wound.
My advice is to leave him alone, allow him to come to you when he's ready. As for you, keep the focus on yourself and stop looking for signs of him wanting to return--it's entirely too soon for him to be making overtures about this. He's not ready to think about recommitting and yes, he's got a long ways to go yet. He's got to hit bottom and he's not there yet. His crisis is not going to be a short one because he's been fighting it for a while and now he needs to be left alone to face those demons w/o your contact to distract him from this important task.
If you want to wish him a pleasant holiday season, do so, but do not contact him again for a while. This is now the season to allow him the peace and quiet to suffer through this bout of depression. In time, he will resurface again and you'll hear from him. Trust in God, for he will take care of him.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
