snodderly, My thanks as always to you for your wise advice. I do wonder if a person can be traveling through a severe bout of depression while still maintaining their employment (H has always been dedicated & responsible in this area, first and foremost), continuing to work out and partake in races (he runs), and things along these lines?
I suppose the answer is that everyone is unique, and it's probably possible. Of course, most of us are looking for the cliche' situation where we find out our H's have locked themselves in their bedrooms and won't come out for weeks because they have fallen into a dark depressive state. Maybe it isn't as obvious as that.
The holidays make me crazy. On the one hand, I spend a lot of time w/family who are wonderful and we make the most out of this time of year. But then there are moments that I am alone in my apt. and feeling so sad as I look at my tree, and think about H, wishing we were together to enjoy the holidays the way we used to. The reality check is that right now he isn't capable of enjoying them, and I do know this. I guess it's like grieving for someone that has passed away in a sense, because those happier days are not even possible right now.
I really wish I knew what goes on inside his mind as far as where he sees himself taking this situation. If he knows for sure that he never sees himself with me again, ever, then I wish he'd come out and say so. I can take it. I just want to know.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
