11th hour Help!!!

[25yearsmlc]

Dear OL,
Wow, i may be wrong, but aren't you the one who didn't want to ml much? I mean, to most women (and I dare say most men) when a spouse says no or shows little interest, it's pretty much like denying your wife your love and body and I hate to ask, but wasn't it for years? I mean, I'll go re-read the prior posts but if I recall correctly, I have to ask you...what were you expecting her to do?

Women, and I'm one of them, do have sex drives and more important to many of us, is the simple need to feel desired. It's HUGE and absolutely essential to staying happily married. I can only assume it's the same for men, but I am speaking for myself right now. Yes I am sad for you and her cheating is bad news. But if my H denied me over a prolonged time period, without a real medical reason, it would hurt me so deeply I am sure at some point many women justify getting their emotional/other needs met where they can. I feel pretty moral, but I'd be sorely tempted.

Sorry to say all this, but I did just re-read one of your posts. You admit your love life sucked, you "witheld", and you know it, and you did nothing about it even after she repeatedly expressed her needs. Shockingly she has no feelings for the M and has an OM.... So, now you are telling her to leave...to show her...what exactly? That you demand respect? Okay. I can accept that. Maybe she is refusing to work on the M, but you should own a bunch of the problems within it, don't you think? Have you told her of your regrets?

I still have faith in your M because I suspect your W still wants you at some level AND may be giving you a really hard test. OR she is testing your feelings....but back to earth, do you see how this was created? Do you see your role in this? If so, have you told her? Also, I HIGHLY recommend that you read The Five Love Languages by Chapman...it was useful to me. I have to wonder why she is hanging around if she isn't hoping for something at some level...
j-