11th hour Help!!!

[onlylove]

Dear 25,

Were we ever close? That is a great question. If you ask me I would say yes. My W is a loving caring person to everyone but herself. I’m finally realizing that she has brought some anger to our marriage. When ask by the marriage counselor “Did you bring this to the marriage?” she paused for a moment and said “Maybe”. You say your RAGGING on me so I get it, I do get it believe me, but how do I communicate it to HER?

Over the years I gave her less and less of myself. I withheld my love from her. She was starved by me. It was hard for me to show this when I felt she was always made at me. When ever I tried to do anything for her she would get defensive. Presents made her mad. I would get something for her birthday and she would take it back. Things like this have been going on for years. I know now that I made all the wrong moves. Not because I did not love her, but because I was being selfish.

So I’m changing, I can feel the deference in the way I react and feel. The problem is still that I cannot show her direct love. I want to tell her what I just told you, but that would be against the LRT. Also she won’t believe the words. I have pushed her so far away over the years that she does not she anyway but D. I wish she could see inside me and understand what I have worked out to this point and see that I truly want to be her H.

I have never cheated on her. But she use to always ask me “Do you have a girlfriend?” this was because I withheld my love and sex from her. She told me the other day “I asked a friend a few years ago If you and your husband only have sex 5 or 6 times a year what would you think?” her friend told her “He has a girlfriend” I have no idea why we had sex so few times. I just know that it killed our marriage. I wish I had the answer, I think it’s because I have so many of my own issues that I did not give myself to her.

All I know is I said “I do” and I meant it. I do not want to live in this pain, I do not want her to live in this pain, and our old marriage is dead, thank god. But we can build a new meaningful marriage.

You having giving me the best advice, for that I thank you. You get right to the point and hit the nail on the head. All our friends, (the ones that know whets going on) tell her that I’m a great man and dad for standing by her and forgiving her. Even her sister told her that. She is still showing me she does care about me. She does a lot of little things for me out of concern. I don’t point them out to her because she would think that I have HOPE for our M. Every time she thinks this she gets angry.

One thing about GAL is I go out and do stuff without her, how does this show her that I want to be with her? How does this show her that I care about her feelings? I use to go out before all this happened and I feel that is part of the isolation she felt from me?

So I feel a little confused about that part of GAL.