Hi Kay....just read through your posts. I can relate to how you feel.

I see that in earlier posts (pre-holidays) you wanted to go dark and cut the cord.

Now it seems that you do have contact with H. Is it all necessary contact? He seems to plow through your life even when you set boundaries, and in the past, you have let him bend those boundaries....so the end result is that he comes and goes as he pleases.

I agree with OnHold. Be firm. This is only tormenting you, and keeping him in the "teenage" holding pattern.

Back off, cut the cord. Only email for essential things (like taxes, of course). And I suggest keep it strictly business.....no engaging in his back and forth of emotional talk (you being a gold digger, etc). Just ignore those comments and pretend he did not write them. Just get what you want and let the communication go. Remember, they will at times do things to bait you for a fight or conflict....mostly b/c I think the MLCer thrives on drama or misery in their life at the time. They want to run away, and you are the reason, and once you remove yourself, they have to keep making you a reason to run away.

My H does this at times.....I give him choices and he gets stubborn. So, now I just email him and tell him what I need/want, how, etc, and all I need is an OK. Really, I have no desire to communicate with someone who makes NO SENSE and has tanked their life and wants to tank mine. So, I just make sure I get what I need out of it, and leave him be.

If he VM or txt messages you for other things, I suggest you back off and do not respond. Only if you want to and wait a while.

All MLCers are different, so only you know.

In my case, my H went totally dark on me too, and it's good for me. I also know in my case, it helped to TOTALLY remove myself from his life....so he didn't have an excuse to why his life was miserable and he still made destructive choices that were HIS OWN. I made sure I was no longer what he was running from. Sometimes I think it keeps them in this holding pattern....keeping that string of contact.

In the rare conversations I have had with H, I see that he has FINALLY started looking within. He had no choice.

You have kids, so must have some contact. Keep it VERY minimal. Remove yourself from the equation and go on with life.