New All Time Low

[MJontheMend]

I was thinking about the phrase "zipless f*ck" so I searched around some Erica Jong on the internet and came across the following passage which I think might be a bit of validating literary therapy for anyone who is or ever has been a HDW:

"Our marriage went from bad to worse. Brian stopped f*cking me. I would beg and plead and ask what was wrong with me. I began to hate myself, to feel ugly, unloved, bodily odoriferous- all the classic symptoms of the unf*cked wife; I began to have fantasies of zipless f*cks with doormen, derelicts, countermen at the West End Bar, graduate students, even (God help me!) professors."

from "Fear of Flying"

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Anyhow, what I was thinking about "zipless f*cks" was that what makes for sucky sex is any kind of repression or self-consciousness. For instance, I suppose that there are some women who would never even have a thought like "Ram it in me baby" while they were having sex. There are some women who would think it but feel bad about thinking it. There are some women who would think it, feel okay with the thought but feel bad about actually saying it. There are some women who would think it, feel okay with the thought, feel okay with the concept of actually saying it but not feel totally comfortable saying it in the context in which they are actually f*cking. There are some women who would go ahead and do it anyway. That used to be me. Now I would go ahead and do it without even thinking about it and that's what makes a f*ck zipless.