Funny - my ex-H did recently remarry and it hardly registered, when he was dating he told me about having sex with someone and it hardly registered. If I were to think of current H having sex with someone else I sort of just view it as a likely end of the road for us. It would bother me but what would probably bother me more is the betryal part (although in the example given it was with permission). Having been through a D I am acutely aware that I can and would get over that betrayal too. Losing the marriage ("failing") would be hard - not because of the marriage per se but because of my personality. I do view the M and sex as so connected that it is hard to say which I value more - probably the M but by only a tiny margin.
