I was reading you last post to me and nodding along thinking "True. Yes. Uh-Huh." until I got to your concluding paragraph at which point I thought "Wrong. No. You don't get it (or me, perhaps)."
Quote: Long way of saying... I bet you'd be okay with him fcking some other woman, but I don't think you'd be okay with him marrying some other woman. Kwis? And now sex is sex, and has its proper balance of importance within the R... and you KNOW it. Because SEX is no longer where you seek or need your validation.
Think about what you are implying in this paragraph. It is good that I am no longer seeking validation through sex but there is some magical other place in marriage where it is good or proper for me to be seeking validation. I understand why you would like to believe that this is true. I understand why it would be more societally acceptable for me to say that it is true for me but it just plain isn't. If I had to choose between never having sex again or never being married again, I would definitely choose to keep the sex. However, this has nothing to do with how much I love my H or value him as a person. If my husband, my sexuality and my marriage license were all in a burning building and I could only save one of them, I would save my husband but I would save my sexuality before I would save my marriage license. This is particularly true for me at this junction in my life because my children are almost grown and my desire to "pair-bond" is strongly linked to my maternal or nesting instinct. There is no way I would stay in an empty nest sexless marriage. I don't even have to think about it. It just wouldn't happen. If my H would feel hurt because this implies that I value his sexuality more than, for instance, his companionship, that is just because he values companionship more than sexuality. That is his preference no different than a preference for chocolate ice cream over vanilla. I need to be honest about my own preference even though it might be poorly judged by others including my H or you (not to imply that I consider you to be a judgemental type- not the case at all).
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
