<nod, in very deep, Type 5 Contemplative Way>. It's funny. I always wished for more of an 'emotional connection' with my xH, during sex. But I realize, now, that if an emotional connection is happening outside of the bedroom, then I am dam near willing to confront any fear I have INSIDE the bedroom. Meaning, the more emotional connection I thought I NEEDED during sex, the more 'fused' I think I was. Make any sense?
So... the more secure I am with myself outside the bedroom, allows me room to feel more emotionally available TO my partner (and carry with me NO EXPECTATIONS). So inside the bedroom, I don't necessarily have to have it a certain way. It isn't necessarily the place I need my emotional validation, so therefore, I can let go, and enjoy sex as sex, or ML, or whatever it happens to become, because first of all, I trust myself in the R OUTSIDE the bedroom.
I think when you let go during this last 'job hissy fit thingy' with your H, you finally understood your particular division of church and state... what was his sh!t, and what was your sh!t... you let it go. And you were fine with it. Now -- that (meaning attempts to fuse by you or him) will take many different forms, so the next time it happens, you may not recognize it at first... but since you've already found your measure of peace, per se, alarm bells will go off in your head, and Mo will say to herself, "Oh, this is a "I'm pissed off at the world because of my job" type moment, even if it isn't about his job, and you will know what to do with yourself, kwis?
Just like with my golf game. The reason my swing has gone might not necessarily be because of my hands, but because I'm not tucking my elbow, or I'm overswinging... but in any event, my game is going to he!!. So I go back to the fundamentals... and I begin again. And it make take me a few rounds to find it again... but I always know when I am on the right track.
Same with you, and I am happy for you. You take an asprin at a time now, not the whole bottle at once, to find your cure. Best place in the world to be... and the better you get at it, the better he will get at it... for he will finally feel the freedom he has been seeking to be himself, and be accepted for it.
And that's all that we all want, isn't it? To be accepted for who we are, and loved for it, in spite of ourselves.
Long way of saying... I bet you'd be okay with him fcking some other woman, but I don't think you'd be okay with him marrying some other woman. Kwis? And now sex is sex, and has its proper balance of importance within the R... and you KNOW it. Because SEX is no longer where you seek or need your validation.
