Quote: It must be frustrating to be expected to meet some standard that would seem related to his sexual needs but is, in fact, only indirectly related. You seem to be understanding more and more how to solve this conundrum.
Actually, I've found the FlyLady site to be helpful. As you might know her basic philosophy is that if you love yourself you will take care of yourself. There has been an interesting batch of e-mails from her site on the topic of H's reactions to women improving themselves in various ways by doing a better job of taking care of themselves. The point being that if you have a critical spouse and you start making efforts towards improving yourself either they will respond well and become less critical or they will react poorly and continue to criticize or even criticize more. When that happens you will know that YOU are not the problem. It may be the case that the condition of my shoes was a sign that I wasn't taking care of myself and therefore a valid complaint but can the same be said about my H's critical remarks about my overplucked eyebrows or the fact that I served reheated beans rather than "fresh from the can" with the brats a few nights ago (he actually got angry and said I was just "dialing it in".)? If my H is inclined to take every variation from perfection that I manifest as a personal slight, then I'm afraid that he is going to be perpetually slighted because perfection is not my goal.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
