Jenny, I have nothing worthwhile to say but I wanted to write and tell you that I relate to so much of what you post. From the "ha ha why didn't I think of that" reaction to H's grumbling to the luck/skill career that must certainly appeal to us Type 7's to not being a worrier.
You and I would no doubt have a great time together, debating our differences and celebrating our similarities.
Gotta run, my two year old is being especially rotten today. She has already had an episode of table-clearing because she asked for cereal and me being the dummy that I am, I actually gave her cereal. Which prompted her to throw a hissy and say "No want cereal!" and send a pencil bag and it's contents scattering across the floor. I share this because A. I've had too much coffee and B. I know you like baby stories.
Quote: You and I would no doubt have a great time together, debating our differences and celebrating our similarities.
I'm sure that's true. I have this sort of vision of all the "regulars" on this BB and where they would sit at a big round party table based on the enneagram. I think Nop,Corri and Julie would be to your left and I would be to your right and Hairdog, Mr. HP and Cobra would be to my right etc. etc.
Quote: I know you like baby stories.
LOL- I remember those days. We both probably chose to be stay-at-home- mothers for a while because having and raising kids is also a kind of activity that involves a mix of luck and skill. Here is a recent teen story of a distractable Type 7 Mom so you know what you have to look forward to. My son borrowed my car and was encouraged by his sister to park it on the grass behind the garage where I couldn't see it so that I would amuse them with my confusion.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Here is the thing that makes me nutz. Anyone who has read my posts recently would sense that my recent attitude towards my marriage is not exactly the best.
Q:What does my bad attitude get me? A:Lots of really hot sex from my H.
He is turned on by being with a woman who has basically thrown up her hands and given him up as a hopeless case or to be more precise, he is turned on by the behavior/vibe that I manifest when I feel that way. Though, perhaps I am not being completely accurate when I say this either because my vibe would be more like "I give up on you. You are a hopeless case, yet I will continue working on this marriage as an exercise in personal growth if nothing else.".
Recent Encounter
My H was complaining about my shoes. More specifically, he was complaining about the fact that I wear the same pair of worn, comfortable Ugg clogs most of the time. He said "It is depressing to me to see my wife in shoes like that. It makes me feel like I am poor.". My response was "It is very unfair of you to complain miserably to me one day about how much you hate your job and then complain to me about not spending enough money on shoes. If you want more freedom to get a lower paying job, we need to lower our standard of living. If you want me to dress expensively that is doing the opposite.". His response was along the lines of "It makes me hate my job more if I feel like I'm poor so I really want you to buy new shoes.". I said something to him along the lines of "I just hope that you are aware that I would probably wear worn-down Ugg shoes even if I was a mult-millionaire. I just don't think about shoes.". However, I agreed to go shoe shopping. My H had a fund of "found" money for which he didn't know the total balance. He told me to spend it on shoes. I discovered that there was quite a bit more money in the fund then anticipated. I forced myself to spend it all on shoes. I bought 5 pairs of shoes including one pair of red leather heels to match my new red leather power valise. My H was amazed at my behavior. He f*cked the h*ck out of those red heels that evening. Luckily, I was in them.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Maybe he has a thing about shoes. A shoe fetish? There's a reason those naked porn stars are usually wearing heals, right?
My H and I have this same discussion. Unfortunately it's about cars instead of shoes. My car suits me fine, it's reliable, PAID OFF, and no more than I need. He hates that his wife and child drive around in a 98 Ford Taurus with a small dent in the back left door and pealing paint on the bumper.
Maybe what he really wants is to have hot sex in a new Humvee.
In think he tries to throw his self-contempt onto you and when you show him you are above him, he becomes aroused. Wasn't it Groucho Marx who said " I wouldn't want to belong to a club that has me as a member?" I think there is something to this dynamic with your H ( my H was like this too, he kind of pushed me into b*tch Journey, which is really not my thing). Since he doesn't seem to buy into my fantasy life of submissive Journey, we've compromised by being ourselves and trying to get aroused with that, which ultimately is a good thing to do. You and your H do have more fun, though.
Quote: Maybe he has a thing about shoes. A shoe fetish? There's a reason those naked porn stars are usually wearing heals, right?
Unfortunately, I do not believe that is the case. I firmly believe that if I had bought the shoes in an attempt to turn him it never would have worked.
Quote: My H and I have this same discussion. Unfortunately it's about cars instead of shoes. My car suits me fine, it's reliable, PAID OFF, and no more than I need. He hates that his wife and child drive around in a 98 Ford Taurus with a small dent in the back left door and pealing paint on the bumper.
LOL- My H and I have this fight also. I drive a 1996 Mazda Protege with a large dent on its front hood .
Quote: Maybe what he really wants is to have hot sex in a new Humvee.
Maybe. I heard this song the other day on the radio the other day and it cracked me up.
Quote: I wanna rich young dumb nymphomaniac To drive me around in her Cadillac If she's not down on her knees she will be flat on her back I wanna rich young dumb nymphomaniac
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
What if it's nothing deep at all and he just likes looking at nice things? I am sorta like that. My H's style is very casual and I'm always trying to shine him up a bit. Of course, he resists, lol.
Anyway, it may be that he just prefers a certain style but his atrocious interpersonal skills lead him to belittle you into buying new shoes instead of finessing it.
Instead of trying to convince him that the clogs are fine, maybe you could state that it's your preference but in the interest of being a cooperative spouse you will look into also buying the kinds of shoes he likes. Wtf could he possibly say to that answer?
He SO knows how to push your buttons!!
btw, good move putting MrH next to Cobra. It's likely that he is the only person he'd like in the whole group of us, LOL. (I mean that as a compliment Cobra--he really would like you)
Say, where did you get your shoes? I actually went shoe shopping last night with MrH and could find absolutely *nothing* I liked. They all had these huge high heels, which I do not need, and furthermore I would bust my ass trying to walk in ice and snow with a 30 pound toddler on my hip in 4" platform heels with a peekaboo toe--who comes up with this stuff?!? (yes I realize I am maturing..:))
I am quite impressed with buying 5 pairs at once. I would have a hard time, at this point in my life, parting with that much money solely for myself. Good job!
Quote: think he tries to throw his self-contempt onto you and when you show him you are above him, he becomes aroused.
That might be part of it but I think that it is also true that my H has a sexuality that is kind of the male complement to your style of Type 4 sexuality. You want to submit or be frightened by "the stranger" and my H wants me to submit or be frightened by him playing "the stranger". There's more of a thrill in "taking me down" if I'm wearing red leather power heels. I should add that I really s*ck at playing my part in the "scary stranger fantasy". My reaction time is too slow. It's kind of like my H jumps out from behind a door and tries to scare me and I'm so distracted I just smile absent-mindedly and say "Nice mask honey." and don't even realize he was trying to get a reaction out of me until it's too late to go along with the plan. I really would have to psych myself up beforehand to do that sort of fantasy. Probably I would have to think something like "My H's penis is coated with poison and if it touches me I will die a painful death.".
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Quote: I am quite impressed with buying 5 pairs at once. I would have a hard time, at this point in my life, parting with that much money solely for myself. Good job!
I went to one of those giant warehouse stores where they sell last year's model of shoes. It was a very difficult thing for me to do. I just kept telling myself "Shoes are tools for your life." in order to keep going. I just thought about the tasks I usually perform or social events I might attend etc. and tried to buy a pair for each version of "me". Of course, I also had to think about my wardrobe and how each shoe fit and looked on me etc. etc. so it was quite an ordeal. Today I plan on some casual computer and housework and last minute Xmas shopping with my D15 so I am wearing my spiffy black and white Converse sneakers. The red power heels were supposed to be for tasks like applying for a business loan since they match my valise but my H said that they should be reserved for bedroom work.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
