New All Time Low

[MJontheMend]

By sadistic I meant that he clearly does not want to be cheered up--or even have you try--but you do it anyway

Well, I would say that he does and he doesn't want me to try and cheer him up. If I make like Cobra, I would say this is because he had a cold, conservative father who would have been repulsed by any display of pathetic negativity from his son and a overly-clingy, warm mother who would have said "What's wrong?" and proceeded to fuss at the first sign of unhappiness. Really, my personality type is somewhere in between but I feel like I am being pushed towards these opposite poles because, IMO, my H wants to be loved by someone like his mother but he wants to have sex with someone like his father (except with large breasts-LOL) because he doesn't respect his mother because she's pretty much the most fused person around. Therefore, he is used to the high-level of attention that he got from his mother but on some level he knows that it is "bad" for him. So he pushes me until he gets what he thinks he needs attention-wise but then he rejects me for giving it to him and drives me freaking insane. If I "act" like his father, cold, self-involved and basically b*tchy, I get sex and respect from him but I just end up accelerating the kind of behavior from him that will turn me back into "Mommy". When our relationship was at it's worst (in terms of me feeling most cr*ppy) my thought was "I have got to get out of this relationship because you are turning me into your mother.". Of course, my problem is my inability to maintain my own strong center from which I can't be pushed into either the "Mommy" or the "Daddy" role. So, for instance, my thought that I should have just plunked down a pint of whiskey and a handful of Lotto tickets and said "Good Luck!" in response to his I-hate-my-job breakdown was almost certainly a good one because it's more like me and less like what he thinks he needs from me. Another "better" behavior I have used in response to his "tantrums" is to simply be nice but not concerned. For instance, I might bring him a bowl of soup and good-naturedly say "You are pathetic.". Pretty much the way in which I am different from either of his parents is that I am generally good-humored and humorous ( I am like his father because I am sort of a rugged individualist and I am like his mother because I am sort of warm and sentimental. This is probably because I model myself after my father who was my only functional parent and he was a conservative, gentle man -kind of a cross between Hairdog and Lou). So this is probably the strong center to which I should glue myself when he tries to drag me down into fusion.