Quote: I did do one counseling session with a DB coach and she told me about "one-downmanship" as opposed to "one-upmanship." Instead of responding to H's negativity with a way to make things better (the way healthy, rational people would look at it), agree with how bad things are and even say they are worse. This worked a few times with my H. And when I turned it on myself and showed my own negativity and low-self esteem moments, he did an about face and marched me right back to happy land. I guess he felt I didn't belong in his land.
This does work for me sometimes but if I do it too "fake" then it's like I'm being condescending or making fun of his negativity and if I do it too "real" then there are two of us down in the dumps. I think it works because it's kind of like when a toddler hits his head on the coffee table, he'll stop crying if you hit the coffee table and say "Bad coffee table!!" or the trick that I used to use when my kids whined in the grocery store which was to freak them out by whining back at them "Waaaah, I want gourmet coffee. Give me your penny so I can buy some gourmet coffee. Waaaah!".
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
