Jenny, I think your H sets you up, without even being aware that that is what he's doing.
For instance, in the "I have no idea what I want to be when I grow up.." convo, he had already pre-planned to shut down whatever suggestion you would make within the next utterance but he couldn't do that because you came up with something pretty good. It's like this weird verbal competition between you two. I have no doubt he really feels that way but the last thing he wants is for you to pour sunshine on his pity party and yet you do that quite frequently. I can relate, as I do the same thing.
What I wanted to ask you though is this: Is there part of you that does it out of sadism? Or is it habit? I know for a while you were toying with the idea of saying "oh" or "hmmm" or something noncommital like that..I think that's the best approach until you are able to break the verbal sparring gridlock that befalls your M.
It's like the two of you are silently daring the other one to try and deal with what you've just said. He dares you to deal with his job depression and you dare him to try and stay pissy when you both know he'd enjoy writing scores. And on it goes. Fusion at its best, eh!
I don't think he has ever really grasped that it's not your job to improve his functioning in the world. It's been your pattern for so long that he has come to depend on it and resent you if you don't play the game.
Say...this is totally unrelated to your post but do you sell books on ebay? I was looking through a gal's selection of books and she had posted a picture of herself sitting on a rock and I thought, Hey that looks like Jenny!
