Quote: "Poor baby, you definitely should quit your job if it's making you so miserable." but that isn't good enough. I also have to say something like "Everything will be fine if you quit your job because I will magically make a better job for you by saying 'Hocus Pocus' over your resume. If that doesn't work, I will simply maintain our current lifestyle on my income alone by sprinkling Super-Terrific Income Doubling Powder on my business license.".
There's what you should have said out loud! Probably took you a day or two to think of it
But... what if you were just some guy in a bar and H came and sat next you (the guy in the bar) and poured out his woes in the same way. How would you feel, what would you say? You'd probably just say "yeah, that sucks - here let me buy you a beer" And you wouldn't assume he was laying any kind of trip on you. The identity system is telling you you have to make your H happy - that's why you felt like he was asking you to make it right but maybe he wasn't, maybe he was just baring his soul.
My H was in similar frame of mind last week. I went to say goodbye to him before I left for work and he was still in bed, so I said "are you getting up?" and he said "what's the point? It's all pointless". I didn't say anything, just sat on the bed, held his hand and said nothing. Didn't run off to work though just sat with him for a bit. After a while, he just kind of sighed and got up so I gave him a kiss and off I went. It certainly worked out better than if I'd said anything at all. It's taken me SOOO many years to work that out.
Fran
if we can be sufficient to ourselves, we need fear no entangling webs Erica Jong
