CL, we are living together and there are hopeful signs that she would like to see us together in the future with her words and actions and unfortunatly I know at least as early as two weeks ago still talking with the OM.
This past weekend we traveled to her fathers home to celebrate the holidays. Our oldest son had the stomach bug the entire time which made things a little more challanging than usual. My w made an interesting comment to me during the weekend. She thanked me for all that I was doing and she wanted to make sure that I felt comfortable asking her for help with our children and stated that she felt like she was not doing enough. I assured her that I felt she was doing enough and that I was more than comfortable asking her for help and gave an example of earlier that day when I needed her help with our one year old. She started this discussion as we were going to sleep and I believe that I should have given it more attention and probed a little deeper to unederstand if her concern was related to how she views herself in our r or if it was a feeling of how she may have been perceived by her family given what I was doing. The family is unaware of what we are going through. I seem to have much more difficulty responding when approached by my w as opposed to when I approach her. I may be reaching; however, this may be a good example of the control that I like to have that my w has pointed out to me through the use of 2x4, lol.
Every time my wife goes to the other room, I get this feeling that she is texting the OM. She picked up on this during this past weekend and asked if I wanted to check her phone, stated that she was not doing anything and said that she honestly wanted things to work out. I have never been a jealous or paronoid person until now. I now have to keep reminding myself not to bring up the OM, not to look for her phone; however, through this my actions betray what I am not saying. I know that even if she is talking with the OM that it should not effect what I do; however, in my subconsious I have dreams at night about catching her with the OM that leave me exhausted and anxious. She has lied to me in the past about the OM and I feel needy and desparate when I start thinking about him. I know this whole process is not about him; however, easier said than done.
This past weekend we ml and in the past one of her complaints was that I did not pay enough attention to her. This time I really focused on her and she got upset at one point in the begginning asking why I did not do this in the past and said lets just go to slip. I instead kept giving her attention and we did ml and when we were finished she asked where did that come from. I simply stated that I was now paying alot more attention to her.
Another issue that arose this past weekend was that in the past she was upset that I did not to a good job of anticipating needs, hers or anyone else's. I mentioned about going to the store to get something for our sick s and she commented that I was really doing a good job and she was impressed at the things I was now doing. I thanked her for noticing what I have been doing and this upset her. She said a simple thank you would have been better since I have a habit of pointing out what I do for her. She is 100% right with this comment and I could have kicked myself for continuing to do this. She is a smart women who notices what I do and unfortuntly what I do not do. When I point it out is becomes a form of manupulation vs. love. I know all of this and continue to screw up.
For some reason it is apparent that I like to take charge and wave my flag for all to see. This is clearly how I was raised and an skill that is not helping me with my r.
I was kind of all over the place but wanted to include actual issues that came up during the past weekend.
