Last Sunday was my B-Day - it will be one not to be forgotten!!!
...To start, I had dinner friday night with friends from work, saturday, my friends gave me a surprise birthday party - sunday, I spent it with family. The best yet... monday night, my XH knocked on my front door with red roses and a card. Surprised, was not even close...
We talked for two hours about work, his and mine - I got him some wine - apparently, when his mother died a year ago, in November, I attended the funeral - although, I never knew she died - I saw it in the newspaper after my mother called and told me. I went and saw my STBXH there with his family and OW. He apparently was surprised, in a good way that I went.
Several weeks ago, one of his friends came over to tell me that things were getting serious with XH and OW. I kept my cool, wished that he would be happy and told his friend to let me know if they got M, I would send a card. This was apparently, a fishing expedition. My XH broke up with OW a month ago.
We always celebrated holidays and b-days with great detail and thought. My H's b-days were catered parties - I loved doing that. His last b-day, I sent a small package with an unsigned card, no return address, with a signed baseball and baseball card in it. I had no idea if it would be sent back to me or not. He knew it was from me, it was filled with foil confetti, one b-day hat, candles, blowout noise makers, etc...all the stuff needed to have a party was inside the box.
Well, long story made short...we both agreed never to talk about the A's, his or mine, it's history...we are going to see each other sometime during Christmas...PLUS, he is going to get two tickets to the Superbowl and he asked me if I would go with him!!!!!!!! Prince is going to be the halftime performer - I love his music and that is why my XH is inviting me to go!!!!!!!!!
We both Agreed that this means that we will date, but there are no promises...there will not be any talk of the A's... now or ever. I told him I was sorry - he said he was also sorry - end of discussion.
BTW - we married at 26 yrs. old and have no children, we both worked very hard in our careers and grew apart. He suspected that I was having an A - I did, for 1 1/2 years. I was asked, told him it was true...he filed for D not too long after that...I had just begun to read DB and DR. I also suspected him having an affair, but I was too naive to figure it out.
When he first told me that he had filed - I cried and said I didn't want to get D'd - this went on for three weeks, before I realized it was just making me look like a really unstable person. So I stopped. He badgered me with cruel statements, etc,...I never reacted...he laughed...I never reacted...he said we wouldn't be getting D'd if my A never happened...I never responded. I let him go through with everything he wanted...the D, keeping the house (he bought me out), I kept my car, the OW moved in.
I never had contact with him at all after we were D. Why would I? We were finished...why hold on? I bought my own house, 2 miles from "our" house b/c I love the area. I then concentrated on my own life...never really dated yet, that was going to start in 2007.
By telling you all this, where will it go? I don't know... I just don't know...but, I am cautious, my eyes are open. I'm not expecting anything at all...
So, my point to you all...when you truly "let go" for you and a dead M - then who knows what will happen? I didn't. Will I re-marry him? I don't know...he was his "old" self. Will this reunion go forward and lead us back? Again, I don't know. I do know this, I'm only looking forward to the game...what happens after...it's out of my control.
So, let go people...let go of the anger, the analyzing, the need to know...it doesn't work that way...just let go. Too many of you "keep" the anger on the back burner, only to serve it when duly deemed - forget it - let it go b/c if you want to save a M, you must forgive, then forgive more, staying hurt or angry b/c your S had an A will only eat you to death...it won't do anything to "help" your sitch.
Most of you slept with your S before you got M...so the rule of pureness cannot be so strictly enforced as a sin, when the S had an A...yes, the vows...very sacred indeed... so why would you sleep with you S before M? Is that not a sin? It's really odd how some use the vows so sternly, so unforgivably, but yet lie to the S about finances, purchases, how the other looks, etc.
Forget the A - forget the anger - work on becoming a better you - for your S. Don't talk about the A, or R, unless you both need to do this - my XH never asked and I never told him anything...he was on my doorstep monday night, after 11 months being D...no contact or anything.
You have to do what is best for you...not everyone is going to give you the best advice...but if you listen to your own "gut", you'll know the answers to most of the questions...
I would like to thank Faraway for giving me answers to some questions I had in the very beginning...very honest and very direct...indeed, letting go was the best...it was then that I knew "I had to let go, for real". Thank you so much Mr. Faraway...
AT - Thank you for the b-day wishes, I have been very busy talking with my friends about this reappearance of the XH.
