Well, another wave crashes against my ship - I'm shaken up, but back at the wheel.
It's been 2 months since my wife asked for D, 6 weeks since she left, a month of DBing. Between Monday and 15 minutes ago - we must have exchanged 30 TM. She called me at midnight last night. I slept through the phone ringing. Keep in mind I was talking to her at the most 1x/week. She was AWOL for 9 days just a couple weeks ago. This is the most communication I've had with her since she left.
During a break at work, she called. Again, she cried. She is overcome by guilt for leaving me and hurting me (and the guilt is not from me - cause I haven't called her in a month, no ILY, no IMY, no R talk). She was Christmas shopping yesterday, and had to leave the mall. She said she's been crying since Monday. Today's conversation - between the sobbing, was "I need to know you forgive me." I was not ready for this conversation. I'm still in shock, to be honest. She is getting pressure from herself and friends/family. "It (the M) wasn't that bad" one friend told her. And obviously, more than one person had a similar theme.
I listened, but couldn't validate too much. How do you validate something you don't agree with?
She's not coming home. That hasn't even entered her mind yet. But I gave her the space to focus on her actions - and not my failings in the M. She wanted me to forgive her (which I did weeks ago) - and today I did it verbally.
Now, I believe W will think clearly about which is the right direction for her life. I freed her of the guilt so she can weigh her options - home with me, a better man than she ever imagined I could be, with whom she shares a long, 18-year not-so-horrible relationship - or OM, the 2x divorced, can't keep a job, financial disaster option.
I'm confident - but still a little scared that "freeing" her from her guilt will cause her to justify her choices. She still hasn't mentioned the OM, so the guilt will still hang around a little longer.
There's no sign of her breaking yet ... but yet another baby-step today. Maybe she just needs this to move on with OM. Who really knows.
Me - 43 and She -36. No kids. Married 7 yrs - Together 14 yrs
Do you have two separate threads going? I recommend only doing one in the Newcomers section. You'll get a lot resonses and it will be easier to follow (for all)
Me: 41 H: 42 Married: 13Y, together 24 Kids: S11, S9, D6 Bomb: 7/11/06, now piecing
