thank you for your post. yes, is a terrible mistake i made, i did not know it was a mistake at the time i made it. i am aware too the hurt that would result, that is what is stopping me. i am actually hoping my OM would dump me, then all are good. although i know it is my OM i want to spend the rest of my life with, but i would not be the action party to "get anything" if he did not propose. i am not saying this to make it seem that i am a better person, i know i am a gone case.
i am not comfortable in marrying OM yet. i did think of another option. i might leave my H not for any body, but just because it is not working the way i want it. and i just live my life afresh, start all over again and this time, choose wisely. i don't plan to have kids, so i am not restricted to my biological clock. maybe this way my H won't be so hurt. i did think of leaving long before i knew OM.
Quote: thank you for your post. yes, is a terrible mistake i made, i did not know it was a mistake at the time i made it. i am aware too the hurt that would result, that is what is stopping me. i am actually hoping my OM would dump me, then all are good. although i know it is my OM i want to spend the rest of my life with, but i would not be the action party to "get anything" if he did not propose. i am not saying this to make it seem that i am a better person, i know i am a gone case.
i am not comfortable in marrying OM yet. i did think of another option. i might leave my H not for any body, but just because it is not working the way i want it. and i just live my life afresh, start all over again and this time, choose wisely. i don't plan to have kids, so i am not restricted to my biological clock. maybe this way my H won't be so hurt. i did think of leaving long before i knew OM.
Does H know about the OM?
....Understand, that I can't, not be what I am I'm not the milk, and Cheerios in your spoon ~ Avril Lavigne ~ ..."Nobody's Fool"...
i just had a talk with H. i discussed with him our sex issue. i told him frankly what i am missing, and i said maybe is because there is not enough attraction. he is hurt. i asked him what he think and what can be done to improve. he again said he thinks that i don't like sex, and maybe many women are like me. and i should think about leaving just because of this reason.
i also told him i will start to work towards financially independent. he is hurt of course, knowing that after that i might leave. ( i used to be financially independent before i married him. )
Before you do anything, would you at least try something first? Go out and buy a sexual intimacy book - one that you can learn about the importance of foreplay. Read it then try this...plan a seduction night with the H. Music on, low lights, wear something sexy - then use your hands, to massage his back tenderly - then ask him to do the same to you - then, try touching him tenderly all over - ask him to do the same to you - in otherwords, do to him, things that you would love to be done with you...no rush, just let him explore you.
The point of this is to see whether you can be satisfied with him - to your satisfaction. Maybe he isn't passionate with you, maybe he's too interested in satisfying his own needs.
My first experience with sex was just like yours...nothing. No porn, but no feelings either. It was my first time, so I wasn't sure what to expect...we broke up b/c he was a real jerk...not b/c the sex was lame. Then I met my H and he was so innovative...the beach, swimming pool, yet so passionate, I was floored. I learned alot from the magazine Cosmopolitan...really fun stuff. I read books about how to be a "femme fatale"...you learn these things.
If your H believes that you don't like sex...it's b/c he probably doesn't know anything about the female body. I would like you to see a movie: 9 1/2 Weeks - it's really a turn on - watch it first by yourself. It's very sensual.
If you could have the kind of sex with your H, as you do with the OM - would you still want to leave your H?
Try everything first - see how it works...if still nothing then I would suggest a therapist...for you to talk to. I think you resent your H b/c he hasn't made you feel like the woman you are and need to be...enters the OM...instant love plus sex. That's hard competition. Therefore, you love this OM so much...
See if that helps you any...it seems your H feels that it's okay to live like that...but for you, it's not...of course not.
dear friend, thank you for your advices and suggestions. i am so touched.
i would like to let you know more about my situation. there is nothing my OM can do that my H couldn't. tell you something a little funny. i expected my OM's cock to be bigger ( because he is taller), but it is a little smaller to my surprise ( and a little disappointment, heehee...). when he is inside me, it doesn't even feel as good as my H's. but because of the intense emotional connection, i just love to be intimate with him. is really nothing to do with technique, my OM is not even as good as your H i think.
as for my H, he is not a selfish guy. he always wants foreplay and to satisfy me, i am the one who can't be bothered because i am totally not interested in him. when i first knew him, i really like him a lot, ok, not as much as my OM, but you see, at that time, my other choices are worse. also, the way he loves me touches me that time, that's why i married him.
i will try to improve things, is not easy i must say as i am now so blinded by my OM. my OM is away for a few weeks, so i am actually glad that i can take a break emotionally and think things through. i am also reading the crazymom thread as suggested by others to see what i can learn from there. thanks again.
Talk to your H...I mean really talk to him, let him know everything that is bothering you...everything - see if he can correct anything...allow him that...if not and you are still unhappy, try for a seperation first.
i did have a talk to him about our problem, he was immediately hurt. he isn't doing anything as i could see, like trying to find out more in forum etc. he just carries on with what he is doing, he didn't even sense that a red light is blinking.
i can't tell him straight about my OM, but i had dropped big hints. my H actually knows that i am meeting a guy friend almost every night for chess (which is true), i came back after midnight almost everyday for the past one month, i even told H that i would be going on trips long and short with my friends in the coming future.
i asked my H why is he letting me do everything i want. he said he can't control me, that would result in in resentment, he said he has no choice. he said is pathetic but what can he do? i personally too do not know what he can do to improve things. he wants to take me to places, i have no interest to go with him, but i would go just to put on a show, just because i am his wife.
i think right now i am too infatuated with my OM. i hope that time would cool me down, but i am afraid the more forbidden a relationship is, the stronger is the flame. OM said he knows he is in deep trouble, but he feels that he can't turn back from the way he feels. OM knows that if he hasn't fallen so deeply, he wouldn't bring me so much trouble.
i am sorry i am babbling, i am in mini depression because OM is away for a few weeks. i will pick myself up and start to work. could you drop me a post once in a while, it really helps.
OM is older than my H by 4 yrs, i love his smile, i would forget everything and be totally captivated when he smiles. ( i know i sound like a teenager.) just like a guy loves to see a girl smile, for the first time i could feel the effect a beautiful smile can have on a person. i love my mom's smile too, i never get tired of her smile. is this kind of feeling that i want.
my H is not the smiling type, last time i interpreted that as cool, now i no longer appreciate it. i admit, my mistake again. i told my H to smile more, i like it, he said he can't because he is stressed over work. anyway, even if he smiles, he doesn't have that impact on me. because i love my OM's lips, with dimples, when he smiles, he dazzles me.
i also love the drive my OM has on his work, he loves his job, i find that very attractive. he works happily, finds satisfaction in his job, this is the kind of man i am attracted to. my H's job is just a job to put food on table, he finds it a dread though it is a high pay job. he wasn't like this when i first knew him, he was full of drive like OM.
the way OM charms me is not about sex at all. if it is sex, i don't think i would be tempted to leave at all. is the heart.
i have thought very hard and finally managed to pin point two reasons why i am not turned on by H sexually. i told my H and he got all pissed. now he has locked himself in his study room and cold war begins, again. i said isn't it good that i have found out some reasons, this is important to me and we could now work on it. but i think his ego is hurt badly.
the sad thing is, the more he doesn't cooperate, the less guilty i will feel and the more i want to leave him. i would consider this as a chance that i am giving him. even without OM, i would probably leave him when i am ready, in a year or two. i look forward.
