Quote: my OM is a good man, i do not want to write his story here, but i know what kind of man i am involved in. when a man is willing to marry you, to give up what he has to give up to do that, i do not doubt his love any more.
You only know the side of this man that he is presenting you with. You only know that he says he will give up everything for you. And if he would, would this be a suitable person to be with? Someone that would throw away everything when he achieves something he has never achieved before? That puts anything you create with him in a very precarious place now, doesn't it?
“No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ” – Albert Einstein
Quote: my own opinion is i don't think my relationship with OM is built on lies and deceit. i look upon it as i have found my true love.
If the situation was reversed and you found out your H had a honey on the side.... Would you still feel the same way? Cuz it IS built on lies/deceit.
Quote: do you really think professional help will help? IMO, i feel that my problem is i don't love my husband, i have feelings of course, but not real love. you can't force love right? so i don't think counselling would help.
Well, if you feel this way why are you here asking our opinion?
I don't mean to come across as judgemental or harsh... but you are clearly looking at things through the rose colored glasses of infatuation... Now maybe your OM really IS all that and a cherry on top... But you made a committment to your H... And what about a few years down the line when you realize OM isn't quite so perfect, or worse, HE realizes YOU aren't so wonderful. Are you going to feel the same way if OM walks out on you? Does your H know any of what you're feeling? B/c my XW kept a WHOLE lot of stuff deep inside her until it blew up and she took off w/ no looking back. Would have been nice to have had the opportunity to really work on our stuff together. I'm betting your H would like that opportunity also.
And even in the worst of times when I myself questioned my M.... I always looked forward to getting home and having W there. She definitely grounded me
Do a search on CRAZEDMOM and read her threads... Don't run off on us either!
it sounds like you've already made your mind up. Does your H know about your A? I hope you clued him into it since you're set on leaving him for this OM and wrecking OM's marriage in the process. Does OM have kids? If so, have you thought about the impact on them? Or how they will just love you (insert sarcasm here) as their new mom? Crazy I tell ya.
OOPS...sorry. My PMS is acting up I'm afraid. I'm a bit blunt today.
....Understand, that I can't, not be what I am I'm not the milk, and Cheerios in your spoon ~ Avril Lavigne ~ ..."Nobody's Fool"...
Quote: my OM is a good man, i do not want to write his story here, but i know what kind of man i am involved in. when a man is willing to marry you, to give up what he has to give up to do that, i do not doubt his love any more. he is definitely not after sex, he loves me so much, just like my H. the difference is, i love this man. i feel that i would give up the whole world of other men for this one. i am an attractive woman, i could have a beautiful boy just for sex if i want to, but i never never do that. i am after love.
What a GREAT man! He's willing to leave his WIFE for you. What a real sweetheart. Wow, what I wouldn't give for a man who would leave his wife for me. And of course if he did that, surely he'd be completely content with just me forever.......because of course he doesn't have a history of leaving his spouse for another woman. Girl he sure is a keeper!
/sarcasm
....Understand, that I can't, not be what I am I'm not the milk, and Cheerios in your spoon ~ Avril Lavigne ~ ..."Nobody's Fool"...
Interesting...but, I think your question should not be if you should stay or divorce - but - what is it in your M that you are unhappy with? What is it with your H, that you are angry about?
You are able to physically release sexually with the OM - so it's not a sexual dysfunction within you...but you just cannot achieve that with H. You are choosing, mentally, not to find that level of satisfaction with him. What is it that is bothering you...please don't say love...this goes back quite a ways. You definitely have issues with your H, but it's not sexual...it's psychological.
Think deep, what these issues could be...you don't need to make any decision yet...think about what is really bother- ing you...then post back.
I to believe love and attraction are inseparable. People confuse lust and attraction and they are not the same. Lust WILL fade, but that attraction must be sustained. It's not a physical attraction I'm talking about either. It takes work by both parties to keep that attraction flame burning. It's not something that should "fade" in time and it wrong for people to believe that.
"It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare." -Mark Twain
hi, you are hitting on something i have been thinking about. a friend of mine told me this before, she said my problem with my H could be psychological.
this problem went all the way back on our honeymoon, during my first time. i wasn't aroused at all, not a bit, he tried to make me watch porno film which was showing on the hotel tv then to help. it didn't work, but i did my "duty".
so is not that i had great sex and connection with my H for the starting phase and then feelings fade and i became a dead fish. right from the start i was a dead fish, sex is purely sex to me, no passion, it was a pain. to him, it was great, because he loves me.
i told my H about this problem before, he concluded i dislike sex, i am quite sure he is in self denial that it is because i don't love him.
i told him all the time i love him, i am not lying, i do love him in reciprocate to the way he loves me ( i am human, i would be touched too), not as a lover (which i only discover recently.)
honestly, if i were single, i would marry my OM without hesitation. marriage in any way carries a form of risk, from the way i know my OM, yes is my answer to his proposal if i am single. even if it does not work out, no regrets.
thank you everyone for all your posts. i admit i am in absolute dilemma. i also admit it is so obvious my posts sound like my mind is made up. actually i have not made up my mind, my posts just reflect where my heart inclines to at the moment. i love my OM now. yes, i am blinded, i am not sane now, i agree to all these. love is a poison.
i did think about dragging the affair on and on to see if OM is worthed being with, but, this is so wrong, so unfair to my H.
i reallly wish i could write more on my OM to let you know the situation he is in, but i can't. so i also would not "defend" for him.
thanks again for everyone who posted here. for no reason, maybe just to release my emotion, i would like to say, i am very tempted, very very very tempted to start a marriage with him. i am just human, i am weak, i am very overwhelmed and completely lost my heart to him (not my mind yet, half maybe ). if i can think straight i wouldn't be writing here. thanks for tolerating me.
yes, i think i am talking about attraction here. it should not fade with time with proper effort. provided you have that attraction in the first place. thanks.
I know where your coming from and I sympathize to a point, but I also feel bad for your H. If you didn't have that attraction for him from the beginning, you never should have married him.
You have a right to be happy, but must be sensitive to the one who will be hurt by YOUR mistake. Make sure you don't repeat this mistake with another future partner.
Usually, what goes around, comes around. Life is funny that way and lessons are sometimes learned the hard way. From a LBS perspective it's a very painful situation to find yourself in. This isn't going to be easy for either of you and the happiness you perceive with OM may elude you in the end. Be very careful how you handle this.
"It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare." -Mark Twain
Wow, what I wouldn't give for a man who would leave his wife for me. And of course if he did that, surely he'd be completely content with just me forever.......because of course he doesn't have a history of leaving his spouse for another woman. Girl he sure is a keeper!