actually i totally agree that love is a decision. because i had been doing that all these years.
however, the starting phase of a relationship, it is not a decision. love is a feeling in this phase, insane, intoxication etc.... and after that you decided to commit, you decided to give up all others for this one alone. this is when decision comes in, and this decision should continue your whole life if possible.
i really think i could do this if i did not sense an important part missing, the lovemaking part.
i do not agree that hollywood movies screw up the concept of love that badly. when i read romance novels, i thought those all are myths, all frictional, i thought sex is just sex, is not possible to reach that kind of passion s described because personally i did not feel that kind of passion before during lovemaking. now, i beg to differ. i finally experienced it, it is exactly as in the novels. i am so touched, i am so glad i could taste love before i die.
i did not feel this way the first few times i did with my OM, but as our love deepens over time, the connection grows too and i reached this heavenly feeling, not orgasm i am refering to, but the connection of the souls.
i do not have kids, so leaving is easy technically. but it kills me too to think of the pain i would inflict on my H, this is the reason that is holding me back.
my OM is a good man, i do not want to write his story here, but i know what kind of man i am involved in. when a man is willing to marry you, to give up what he has to give up to do that, i do not doubt his love any more. he is definitely not after sex, he loves me so much, just like my H. the difference is, i love this man. i feel that i would give up the whole world of other men for this one. i am an attractive woman, i could have a beautiful boy just for sex if i want to, but i never never do that. i am after love.
