thanks for your post and what you wrote definitely make sense. i hope you could also help to shed some lights regarding my relationship with my H.
you said i might have felt the same way with my H in the early stage. but i am sure i did not, because i had never had fireworks with him the first time we had sex. sex with H is going through motion for me, many times it felt like rape. i tried vibrator, i tried watching porno before sex, my body is still dead to him, is so pathetic.
i did research before, all those sex therapy and tricks. to me, they are all so pathetic. do you need all these if you really love that someone?
love and lust is one body, i love my brother too but i have no lust for him. lust is what differentiates love and kinship love. lust is cheap only when it is a one night stand. when you are in love, lust is a signal that the relationship is complete in my opinion.
i have developed synergy and cooperation with my H, but attraction is not there in all these later stages. i have made the decision to love him before that is why i am at these last two stages. but i am not enjoying it anymore, because the attraction factor is not there. i guess i have almost reached my limit. yes, i can continue, but am i happy?
you might say that attraction will fade and die, i do not think so now. i used to think this way, because of the way i feel towards my H, that was why i "decided" to continue to love him. all these years, til now, my H is still so attracted to me, because i am the right one for him. he did not "work" for me because i finally realise that he is not the right one for me, strictly speaking.
when we make wrong choices in other areas, people don't think it is a big deal. like taking the wrong course, taking up a wrong career, no big deal, just change to be happy. but when we made a mistake in choosing a spouse, we like to come up with reasons like feelings will die anyway, stick to it, continue to love him because love is a decision etc etc.....
there are indeed couples who feel in love their whole life. if there are people who feel this way, the only reason we can't is because we did not meet the right one. of course, no everyone is lucky enough to meet the right one in their lifetime. just my thoughts.
