This is my 2343rd post after 20 months on this BB. I won’t say that this is my last post. Too many people have made liars out of themselves by making that statement
But I think that I’m doing all I can for my own sit, and I really don’t need more advice. In saying that, I’m not disparaging the wonderful advice I’ve received from all of you. On the contrary. I have learned so much, and truly appreciate the sympathy and support I’ve received from so many people who’ve had more difficult situations to deal with than my own.
Thank you all!
I also think that I’ve spouted enough of my own opinions and advice. I hope I’ve helped some of you through the tough times (as you all did for me), and even more important, I hope I’ve helped you in some small way to seek that ever elusive dream of regaining your lost R.
As for me, I’m doing fine. Have I arrived at my goals? The answer to that is yes. And no. But that’s OK. Goals need constant revision so that you don’t overstretch yourself. I’ve come a long way, and to get to my ideal R, I have a long way to go.
So I don’t know if I’m a success story. It depends on how you define success. I’ll continue to hope for an ideal R. Though this sounds unrealistic, it’s my way of setting the bar high enough to avoid settling for something less than what W and I are capable of.
But at the same time, I have to be realistic enough to know that success isn’t perfection.
I have my own vision of an ideal R. W has hers. I have to be realistic enough to realize that these two ideals will never be an exact match.
There are a lot of reasons why our ideals have diverged. All of my DBing has been based on the premise that by being the best H I can be – the best person I can be – our visions can converge. They have. I’ve shifted my thinking towards W’s thinking, and W’s thinking has shifted too.
So my parting thought is this:
You can’t change your spouse. But you can change your relationship. You do this by changing perceptions. You change your spouse’s perception by changing your behavior to match the image of yourself that you want your spouse to have. And don’t forget your own perceptions. They can be just as wrong as your SO’s.
Andy, I wish the best for you and your w, you gave alot of us inspiration. We all have our own road to travel but the hopes and goals are the same. I feel like a much stronger person then I was 6 months, and maybe that is why we are handed these crisis, to step back and look at our lives. Continued best wishes for you. Sue
Hey Andy. I know I've said it before but your voice is SO much different than it was even a few months ago. It's a good thing. One day at work the guys & I mused how as we get older we get forced into being healthier/taking better care of ourselves because it hurts too much not to .
But I bet you probably don't know why I would be telling you that or what it has to do with you...that's ok. Have a good non-thanksgiving since you guys don't have that. I'll stuff myself silly for ya. Take care Pal - me
I, too, will look for occasional posts from you. I will always wonder how you're doing. If you care to email me, I posted my address on my other thread (I think).
Thank you so much for "holding my hand" for the past year. You always manged to pick out the good when I only saw the bad.
I also find myself winding down from this board. I probably will continue to return until all my "friends" are safely walking down life's path with happy hearts -- however, they find that happiness. I need to know there are more "happy endings" out there.
I have a very good feeling about your and your W (hey, my "feelings" have been pretty much right on, haven't they!). I hope your W will realize one day what a prize she has in you. She is to be envied. She has a man with great character and strength.
Andy, I found out that with the exception of DHEA (or some combination of the letters), which was slightly low, all of Sage's test came back within normal ranges.
I can now say that I understand how sad you felt when you heard the results of your wife's test.
Andy-I can never thank you for your patience and advise when I was going through my darkest days and nights. You have a gift of wonderful insight and many, many of us looked forward to your posts. I know I did. Please, don't be a stranger. I wish you all the best life has to offer. Love, Rachael
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